The type of beauty I call Supreme…

v-sude-ulyukaevu-peredali-belye-rozy-ot-poklonnicy-106910Let me tell you the happiest story ever…

It started with a burning violin that kept playing its notes in and beyond death. We are more than flesh and bones so we need to love deeper. And this sweet song it’s still in my ears even if my every love note is burned and bruised.

You’re not powerless, he told me when my mourns reached the limits of faith and hope. My burning violin turned into ashes and my voice silenced by the dark smoke. We are more than shadows and our prayers are more than bitter pleads for life!

I was scared, so scared for both of us! When there’s no music, how will love grow? But my soul is more than a frail flower fading away in an endless void. So it’s worth fighting for! He promised to wait for me, even if it takes a lifetime. For me to find my way home.

And while I struggled, trembled, screamed and agonized in the flames of my burning violin, he took the ashes and buried them in sacred ground. And he just knelt and kissed the traces of my steps. But oh, in my blindness, I was still dancing wild dances, playing with words and destinies.

He forgave me for always crying and always lying. For running away and breaking walls, boundaries, bridges and hearts! For tearing pages and for scratching walls with bare hands, until my skin was bleeding and his voice was drowning in tears.

And there was never a storm so wild like the one in my heart! And I never truly learned how to dance through thunders and lightnings! Am I enough? Am I still beautiful? Am I yours? Will I ever be…

He was sad when he took my hand, leading me to the place where the ashes of my burning violin were peacefully resting. He was tired and lonely. He’s only human and this love was poison and venom. He was dying…

Is this what you’ve been searching?

And the white rose shined even brighter in my hands.

How? And why? And when…But he silenced my lips and sealed the secret for eternity.

While you were dancing your wild dances…

While you were shouting your helpless anger to the skies above…

While you broke walls and boundaries, hearts and bridges…

This flower grew from the ashes of your burning violin. And I was blessed to nurture it with my tears. For you, my love.

I knelt in front of the bright white rose. I kissed the sacred ground and the eyes that nurtured the tiny seed of hope. The eyes that gave away their light, just to find me in my darkness…I promised to heal his blindness, so he could finally see the power of this reborn song of life. The renewed promise needed a name…

I called it Beautiful. I called it Supreme. I called it LOVE.




Just like in movies…


She gently placed her hand on his chest. “I want to do it just like in movies.” Then, without a warning, her arms were around his neck, her head resting tenderly on his shoulder.

“What are you doing?” he asked, a little confused, a little amused…and it was enough for her cheeks to turn into red flames.

“I’m…I’m hugging you!” she whispered, terrified of being ridiculous. But he approved and even seemed to like her little gesture. So she believed it’s the right thing to do.

The sea in the sunset was breathtaking so she just wanted more.

“Don’t let go…just hold me like you did before, just a few minutes, that’s all I need to learn…”

“To learn?”

He was holding her, just like in movies, stroking her golden hair, caressing her perfumed skin. And she trembled at the thought that she may forget…

“I want to learn this by heart! Every sensation, every color. The sand on my feet and the sound of the waves. I want to have it here, with me, within me…”

He smiled, a little sad, a little overwhelmed. The risk of forgetting was never a serious threat, but with her, for her…he would be frightened too…

“What I love the most about you is your kindness, your gentleness and your way of giving hope to the hopeless.”

His words were a painful reminder of the way she used to be. And, regardless of every wrong step they took, just for here and now, she desperately needed to re-define herself.

As the girl who ran barefoot to the sea…

As the happy child who used to love every teddy-bear in every store…

As the free spirit who ignored the rules, just to be there, for the less fortunate ones.

“If I could turn back time” -just like in movies- to go back to the place of love. To turn this heart shaped stone into a river of healing tears, I swear they would be all yours…”

He ignored her, a little worried of her aggravating depression, a little annoyed of her ever-lasting complains.

So she remained silent.

“I have something to confess and I need you to look into my eyes while I’m saying the words. Promise me you wont be cruel…”

“Cruel, me??? When was I ever cruel to you or anyone?”

“When you laugh of me and you ignore my stories, when you pretend not to see, not to feel…”

“Okay, just say it as it is. The confession, please.”

She took a deep breath.

“I have to tell you what I should have told you long ago. Ever since our first embrace, remember? Ever since I wanted to learn by heart the sunset and its sensations. Ever since I turned my heart into a stone…”

“Just say it, for heaven’s sake!” he shouted, a little frightened, a little angry.

I’m an alien, okay?! That’s why I never knew how to hug, how to feel, how to be. I’m an alien, in love with you, a man from this earth, and I’m struggling to act like a human being!

Her tears, like golden lights, turned into emeralds and diamonds. He turned his back, leaving her hopeless, helpless and desperate.

And then, just like in movies, a miracle happened. He turned and cupped her face.

“I want you to stop struggling and start loving me. For I am an alien too.”

That’s when she saw him for who he truly was. A stranger among strangers. That’s when she decided to love all the weird little things that the others called “unacceptable”.

And they lived happily ever after…


So, for all the aliens out there, please don’t turn your hearts into stones. There’s love and hope waiting for you with open arms. Somewhere, by the sea shore…




The source of the image:

The weakness in my faith…

Christianity  tourism destinations

The yellowed eyes demon grinned with an undisguised superiority.

So illogical and so foolish, but I admit, it was funny! Now, seeing you crawling, really doesn’t humor me anymore. You are becoming boring and predictable. Your bravery is nothing but a pathetic attempt and your faith is nothing but a joke. LOL, as you, human creatures love to say.”

I could see myself, really clear, like from a mirror, but this image was so different from what I hoped it would be. Naked and ashamed, frightened and fearful, broken and frail. Searching desperately for a sign.

“Oh, are you looking for this?”

He pushed away my burning Bible, laughing cruelly at the sight of my bloody hands, trying to gather the broken pages.

“Ashes and smoke! And you thought this was your shelter! Your salvation! Is this how you’re going to fight me?”

I wasn’t going to answer. My mind was feverishly searching for the moment when I fell.

“Let me remind you. You came to me, holding your book like a sword, so proudly parading with your faith and your light and your love! LOL again! You were so easy, too easily to defeat. Look at you now, where is your shelter? Poor creature, created by an absent Creator!”

That’s when I understood. My choice was wrong from the very moment when I decided to be in control. My supremacy was nothing but a trap and I fell right in it. The hunter turned into a weak prey and that’s only because I forgot…

To ask for help…

To invoke His love and protection…

To see myself the way I truly am…

naked, broken and afraid.

The yellowed eyes demon raised his black sword upon me.

“If you only knew the power of your lowliness, you’d be brighter than the stars. You would be the one holding the sword of faith upon me.”

I closed my eyes, ready for a blow that never came.

“I’m not meant to break your wings, foolish human creature. Why would I, when you are so good on doing this for yourself! Even so, the lesson remains and the warning stays.”

See yourself for who you really are. 

Broken, naked, burned or beaten.

Frightened, fearful, hopeless or ashamed.

You are still beautiful because He sees you this way…

Thank you, Father, for always seeing the beauty in us, your beloved children.



How could this love be in danger…

let-go-816x428Let’s give ourselves one year…

So that our story could be different and we’d fight this unfair fate that turned us into strangers. We’d break down all the walls we worked so hard to build. Between us…

So that we’d run to each other with open arms and honest hearts. It is the right thing, the God’s most precious gift for us, the one we’d fight for an eternity and beyond. Our love… 

That’s what he told her with tears in his eyes, gently caressing her hair. Searching for a long gone light. Inside her. But she remained silent, only the dark circles surrounding her (-once green-) eyes seemed to lift their silent prayer to the clear sky. He took her in his warm arms, but she pulled away.

Pain. Let go.

And he let her fall down, once again, a repetitive lesson of failure.

I don’t want my love to destroy you. I just need you…

Let’s say our vows again. I promise to love you and protect you. I swear I wont be afraid, never again! I will never run and hide into the icy shelters of this selfish pride. 

I only demand one year. One year of love. Complete, passionate, tender, free. Ours.

Black tears and lost shadows were dancing around her and he knew. They will not be given one more year. They will never dance again. His desperate vows and demands will be met by a silent sky. And he’ll only embrace her when the summer’s wind will sweetly caress his -once careless- hair.

He’ll only love her in his dreams.

Just one month!

One day!

One hour! Is it too much to ask from you? Are you that blind to pain and suffering? Are you even there? Do you even care? If you do, just know that I am sorry. And I’m ready to beg for one more hour.

I’ll kiss her slowly and tender. I wont rush this time. I’ll take my time to listen to every breath and every beating of her heart. I’ll treasure every touch, I’ll cherish every word. I’ll taste the sweetness of her happy tears and I’ll pray with her. 

I will make her happy. 

She smiled. With pale, trembling fingers, she touched his lips, stopping this blasphemy. What’s another hour when you’re facing eternity? What’s love when you cannot forgive yourself?

For wasting every chance. Love, life, youth, wisdom, beauty, blessing! What a loss!

All for them, all given by the highest power of the universe. The same power that opened the gates of Heaven, turning pain into peace.

So you know the story, my love. We may not be given one more hour. Regardless of the pain and anger you’ll address to the stormy sky. I see your -once loving- eyes filled with remorse. Could you love me now?

Life goes on, time is slipping away, one year, one day, one hour…

How about now?

Will your choices remain the same?



The source of the image:


Beyond the city lights

mirando-la-lunaWould you believe if I’d tell you that every rain drop carries a lost story? A tale about a long forgotten romance, just like ours? Always about us.

The city just turned its lights on, it’s raining with golden glitters.

A cruel reminder every night, in every light, in every window…that life goes on with or without you and me, in or out of pain, before or after our hurricanes.

Would you kiss my lips in the purring rain, knowing I have nothing left to give? Nothing but an everlasting longing for more…Always more, always you.

But you…you barely see the light that’s fading away in my eyes. A cruel reminder that we’re only passengers in each other’s lives.

Would you cry for me when the shadows are taking me away, so far away…and it’s not the life that I’ll be missing, but love…? Always alone, oblivious of the blessing in this curse.

One last secret escaped my dry heart…

There’s love beyond the city lights, but my wings will never be that strong and wide, so I’ll embrace him with my soul, giving myself to him in an eternity of tenderness.

The time is running short now, glitters and glows mean nothing under an unforgiving sky. There are blessings disguised into these abysses, there’s an eternal destination in every broken dream.

I have an empty page waiting for you. Imperfect but real. Make it complete.

So…if I’d tell you that I see and I know what future holds for us, beyond the city lights…

Would you believe me?

Please don’t.



The source of the image:





Not a victory march!


“I ran to you, like running to a shelter, because my heart is heavy and tears are burdening my soul. It’s me, the one who needs you so much! Please hide me in your loving arms, even if I failed you. Love me even if I’m unworthy…”

My voice broke in a silent cry, the hurt inside made my knees tremble and I felt so fragile, standing there in front of the cross. The light was cruel that morning and I covered my eyes, but my rosary felt on the floor and, in just a second, fifteen red beans were scattered and lost, along with every trace of hope in my heart…

That’s when I lost it, that’s when the hurt inside took control and I broke down at His feet.

That’s when someone’s strong arms lifted me and carried me, holding me tight, saying warm, comforting words. The voice I knew so well…

It’s alright…

-No, it’s not! I mean it, Christian, it’s not!

-I’m here for you…just tell me what happened, I’ll fix it for you…

-Nothing happened…

But he wasn’t going to settle to less than the complete truth. He asked me to look into his eyes and to tell the story, every little detail, through sobs and tears…

“Okay…but you wont like it, you wont like me. See, I’ve always been a fighter for the things I believed in. My faith was one of them, the first of them. I made a promise to defend it against anyone and anything. But today…

…there were these people, two or three, one of them was the vocal one, while the others just followers. Lost sheep? Anyway, they were mocking the things I believe in. My faith, my God, my church. And I saw them looking at me, starring at the medal I’m wearing. How would they see it? A small symbol, something I wear with modesty and discretion, like a reminder…

…The vocal one came to me and asked me in a very aggressive and sarcastic tone: What is your faith? What do you believe in?…

…and I froze. I could have answer in so many ways, so many beautiful ways…But I just stayed silent. So he continued: So you agree that there’s nothing! He pointed to the sky. And I wanted to walk away, but he just followed me, almost shouting: What is your faith?

…and you know what I said? The coward me, the stupid, unworthy me! I told him:

“Faith is something I respect too much to gossip about it. This is not the way, not the moment to discuss my faith.”

He insisted with an evil grin on his face: “When is the right moment? After a coffee? After doing some shopping maybe? After chatting with your friends maybe?”

I ignored the questions and I ran.”


-And I cannot understand why are people like this! Why can’t we treat each other with love, why can’t we be like brothers? Why is it always someone thinking he can teach us a lesson! Why, Christian? Why are these things happening to me? Why was I so scared in front of these bullies? I hate myself for not defending my faith!

He hugged me so tight, trying to sound calm, but I saw the clenched fists, the anger in his eyes.

-Don’t ever say you hate yourself, not if you love your God. You are His child, you call him Father. So don’t, okay? 

-But why…

-Because you are a target ever since you were born. Your precious soul, your beautiful heart, your love…they’re at war, you are fighting a war you don’t even begin to understand!

-I’m losing this war, Christian…

-No! Listen, sweet girl…Love is not a victory march! Neither faith! What is that book of yours teaching you? To love your enemies. Your prayers for them are shaking and breaking the fires of hell…

That’s when I looked at him and realized the miracle of this situation. A man who denied God long ago, a man who call himself “A Luciferian”, a man who despise the church, a man who broke and burned his Bible…

…this man spoke to me words of faith, offering himself as an instrument of Love. He was more of a warrior of light than I’ll ever be.

I touched his face and he kissed my fingers.

-Thank you. From all people…

-Nah, don’t mention it. Where else would I be?

But…how did you know?

-Because I love you. Just that simple.



The source of the image:




When there’s no one left to blame…

11Just hold me tight and forgive me. Please don’t tell me there’s nothing to forgive…I judged you in my mind. I offended you in thousand unspoken words. I called you unspeakable names. I am guilty.

Just talk to me softly and let me cry. Please don’t tell me I have no reasons to cry…I caused you pain, I broke your heart and left it bleeding. I rejected your pleads, I denied you my kindness. I am guilty.

Just take my hand in yours and say it’s alright. Please don’t ask me to believe, I know you’re lying…We’ll never be alright because I created a disaster. I accused you of unimaginable crimes. I played the jury and I pronounced the sentence.

I killed our love. I am guilty.

Silence is my punishment and I take it with dignity. See, I’m not crying! See, I’m not begging! See, I’m not dying!

But I miss you terribly…

And there are so many things in my world that you don’t know…

The grass is greener than ever, it smells so fresh and new. It’s silky when you touch it and the wind creates amazing songs through the yellow fields…

A little white butterfly landed on my fingers this morning. His wings barely touched my skin, but I saw it as a gift from heaven. Above me, there was a tear-shaped cloud. Birds were flying so free, in perfect harmony…

A baby boy hugged me today. He just came to me with open arms, smiling. It filled my soul with so much love! How I wish…

So many thing that remind me of us. The perfect ring…I saw it, it fitted perfectly on my finger. I was so sad to put it back and leave the store with an empty heart…

The book I found today was about us. A fiction story, different names, but it was all about us! He was exactly like you…I was like her, just that…she would never be guilty like me. I closed the book and I cried inside.

The radio is playing our songs on and on, I can’t stop it! And on the news, they spoke about things we used to talk about…And they were wrong, I only believe you, only you!

Please hold me tight and forgive me. I didn’t meant to break the silence. You know me, you know how childish and stubborn I can be, but it’s my pain that makes me cross the line. Forgive me.

And maybe, when there will be no one left to blame, I’ll be able to forgive myself too.

For now, I need to cast the blame and it wont be you, it cannot be you!

Because I love you.

So it’s me…

I am guilty.



The source of the picture:


Why do we go there?


I pushed the door with all the strength I still had in my arms, praying that, behind it, I could find some rest. But the small room was dark and the only bench I saw seemed broken. It didn’t mattered anyway, after more than two hundred stairs I already climbed, another seventeen more to go…

That’s when I saw him, starring at me, with disapproval in his eyes.

-I know is forbidden for visitors, but I need to sit down for a moment. My heart is racing from all the stairs I climbed.  

-Why did you? Yes, it is forbidden, due to safety reasons. Of course, tourists never cared about safety. Really, you’re risking a heart attack just for that selfie you’re going to post on Instagram? Is it worthy?

In my mind, I decided that this guard is the most impolite and annoying person I ever met so I’m going to ignore him. Still, his English was above the average and he had a certain sadness. How was I supposed to ignore that?

-I guess you work here, right? So…more tickets, more money on your paycheck? Shouldn’t you encourage tourists instead of judging? Anyway, I’d better be going…

-I wasn’t judging…

-Yes, you were! And you were also very rude and impolite. I’ll probably never see you again in my life, but just for the record…I’m not climbing there just to take a selfie. 

-Why do you?

-None of your business. And for the hospitality…thanks for nothing.

I walked out of the small room, trying to breath. The stairs kept getting narrower and more inclined. I leaned upon the wall behind me. “I wont make it to the top.”

-Yes you will. I’ll help you, give me your hand. Come on, I climbed the tower like hundred times, I know all the tricks.

The warmth in his voice had something so familiar and sweet, like a song I always knew. Was it from my dreams? A complete stranger, restoring my lost faith in humanity…it happened so many times before, almost like a sign from above. A sign that I’m never alone.

-So, why do you?


-Why do you climb the impossible stairs? I have to, I’m a guide…

-Oh, you’re a tourist guide? That’s great, maybe you know a place to rest? I found a small room before, but the guard was so impolite, you cannot imagine!

-Don’t mind him! He’s just bored and cranky…an eternity of guarding these empty walls can do that to you. But you did not answered. Why do you?

-Why not?

He stopped for a moment and let  go of my hand. Then, briefly, he excused himself and ran down the stairs.

A frail ray of light gave me hope. I’m almost there!

-What’s there?

The little girl’s voice took me by complete surprise. And it made me smile, thinking of my own children.

-Hi, look at you! Your dress is so pretty! You look like a little princess!

-I am a princess!

-Well, of course you are! My little girl says the same! 

-What’s there? Up there?

There’s a tower and you can see the whole town! But please don’t go there by yourself, wait for your parents. Where are they?

-Why do you go there?

-For the view! It’s amazing!

-I don’t believe you.

And she ran down stairs, letting me more confused than ever. I looked at the frail ray of light, I watched it fade away in tears.

“I go there for a feeling I lost long ago. For freedom. Because there, in the highest tower, I gave it away. I want it back. See, long ago, I thought that freedom is the price for love…

And now I forgot how it feels…

…to open my wings and to fly high,

to open my arms and to embrace more than a shadow,

to open my heart without the fear of being rejected.

In front of my eyes, the blue immensity was sunny and warmth. The sky smiled at me and the town was brighter than ever. Freedom and love…they were always here, always with me, in me…

Locked in the highest tower of my heart.














Still growing wings (II) (more than victims)


She dreamed of this ivory dress ever since she was a little girl…and now, wearing the white veil, dancing on her  silvery high-heels (another dreamed come true), she felt so shy, so little and vulnerable. Alone in the special bride’s room, in the old church, she needed a hug, more than anything in the world.

Tears were not allowed and she knew it. The make up itself costed a small fortune and the veil was so delicate and soft that any trace of tear would have been a stain. Her appearance in the church was designed to be a moment of success. Still, staying there, all alone, she found herself dreaming of moon lights and the touch of waves on her bare feet…and love…

She intuited the threat and she felt the danger. She sensed the smell and the cruel shine of the knife edge paralyzed her. The man had a scarf over his face, but stains of blood were around his eyes and forehead. And she knew is much too late…

to run…

to beg…

to cry…

to say goodbye.

And she wanted to cry for all the people waiting for her in the church. For the wasted love. For the ivory dress and for the white veil. For the unspoken words.

She wanted to cry, but she found herself smiling and turning to face the demon, not even aware of this strange inner strength. Her lips moved and she spoke words she wouldn’t recognized as her own. No tremble in the delicate hands that cupped his face.

“It’s alright, I wont hurt you. You’re safe with me, please don’t cry…”

Her voice sounded like a melody and he knelt in front of her. She caressed his hair, noticing how he’s clinging to his knife, shaking and praying and saying meaningless words.

“I know the feeling of having no one to care. Loneliness and fear…I know the pain of love turned into anger. You are not alone.”

He touched her veil, leaving a dark trace. She felt him convulsing like electrocuted when he saw the dirt on the fine fabric. He dropped the knife and she hugged him, lifting his face so he could look into her eyes, then gently touching his shoulders to make him stand.

“You’re just like me…and we’re more than victims. We’re always praying for peace and light, but somehow we’re turning to darkness. Don’t worry about the veil, it was meant to cover my eyes. Why would it…when all I ever wanted was to see LOVE becoming real?

He suddenly grabbed the knife whispering “I’m sorry” in the most terrifying and harsh voice she ever heard.

She felt pushed on the wall behind her. The little mirror broke into small pieces and, for a moment, she thought she’s seeing a glow…a presence…the touch of wings…warmth…LOVE.

She was alive and he was running. No Heaven. no angels, no sound of violins. Just the miracle of being alive. And a world who’ll always see her through a white veil…

She was never an angel, but she was meant to shine. Just like you, just like me.

Just like all of us, children of God and witnesses of a new, miraculous tomorrow.


Here you can read the story from his perspective:

The source of the picture:

Still growing wings…


“She looked so pure and sweet in her ivory dress! Just like a little girl always dreaming to become a princess, she was playing her role perfectly. Grace and elegance within every little gesture, brightness in her eyes and in her smile…And I…”

Please continue. You…

“I was there, witnessing the becoming of an angel. In my eyes and in my soul, beyond fears and doubts, a new sunrise just embraced me in light. And I knew, the time has come for me to fulfill my destiny.”

What was your destiny?

“Her. She was my destiny and fate never lies. I waited until she was alone and I saw her making a pirouette and rehearsing some dance steps, all alone. I got so close that I could sensed her perfume. Delicate like a white rose, wild like a black orchid, sweet like an angel singing. I was prepared…”

To kill her?

“No, it wasn’t like that! I was just…she was just…growing wings. She just…”

She was just a bride on her wedding day. Not an angel, not a vision. 

“Then why wasn’t she scared? My face was deformed, swollen and bruised. I was like a savage in front of a porcelain princess. I saw my reflection in the mirror of her eyes. And I cried. And I knelt. The ritual demanded humility and penitence.”

Tell me about the knife. 

“No, not yet. You did not ask about the miracle. She was not scared, she was…”


“She looked at me with a sad smile. Her delicate hands touched my shoulders and helped me stand. She had a white tissue and she wiped the blood of my face. And she talked to me…and I was so mesmerized that I couldn’t understand. It was like a melody. Sweet words, comforting and calming, so full of love and compassion. I don’t remember…but I’m sure I saw tears in her eyes. Do you think she cried for me?”

Let’s talk about the knife. 

“I used it. I took it out of my coat and I kept it hidden, so she wouldn’t be scared. It should had been painless…A little innocent lamb, unaware of the cruelty of this dark world.”

So you did kill her? Are you confessing a crime?

“I’m confessing the crime of touching her white veil with my dirty hands. It smelled like vanilla…It was a crime and I was impure. But she forgave me…she did. Even for running away from her. Even for not giving her wings. I ran and I cried in a bush outside of that old church.”

Remember, you said you used the knife.

“I cut the hand that was going to harm her. I cut it to the bone! In tears and blood I found my salvation. I was redeemed and made new.”

By whom?

“You know the answer.”

Where is she now?

“Somewhere in the world, living an extraordinary life. Getting too close to darkness sometimes. Praying for a freedom she always had. Still growing wings.”

Are you in love with her?

“I hate her! With everything in me! I really hate her…”


“Because hating her means keeping her safe. And loving her would be like touching that white veil all over again. With hands that carry dirt, blood, guilt and violence.”

Wait! Are you playing with my mind? Are we talking about a girl? A possible victim?

“Of course not, don’t be such a fool. It was all along, all about Light. And you asked the wrong questions…again.”

I left the room, a little confused, a little frustrated, a little upset…leaving him with his paintings. I heard him laughing, like he would be planning the perfect prank. Talking to an unseen ghost…

“See, I told you we’ll fool her. No, it was not a lie, we don’t lie! How was I supposed to tell her? Was about Light…and she is Light…(with a nervous laugh)…and it’s not about the past. Somewhere in the future…Now leave her alone! She’s still growing wings…!”



The source of the image: