Let me photograph you in this light…

White sand through my fingers while I draw little hearts…They wont survive, I know, the sea will wash them all away. His name and mine, two letters united by a destiny we never quite understood. A smiling heart who’s borders were erased by the hungry waters. Sweet, white, fluffy clouds above my dreamy eyes…

I’m here and, still, I’m not.There’s a girl, smiling from this mirror, it’s not me. This is a story written on wet sand, so it’s blurry and complicated, uncertain and mysterious. Please read it anyway.

It was a sunny afternoon…

The sea whispered my name, so it called me to explore the depth and the wild. The dark and the unknown. The distance and the fear. The struggle for air and the temptation of letting all go. It was almost like a game, well-known, old and boring game. I always survive, I always win…I told her, laughing, mocking the big, blue immensity.

In its anger, she shouted blasphemous phrases, channeling all demons, invoking all powers! I rolled my eyes and I laughed again. I am stronger…Oh, how I paid for this arrogance! Because the wave that hit me, carried my heart further than I ever wanted to go…

Golden light and his arms around me, that’s how I woke up…A paradise for our love, to fly free and untamed. His whispered words, delighting my ears with promises of eternity.

“Just stay right here, I want to photograph you in this light…”, so I just laid there, on the empty beach, missing his arms around me…

“Keep smiling, play with your rebel hair in the wind…”, so I just ran my fingers through my hair, missing his perfume on my skin…

“Oh, that’s amazing! Look straight into the camera, I love that sweet, childlike look…”, so I just tried to remember…when love was innocent and honest, sweet and generous…

“Embrace the sand, let its warmth seduce your body, I want to see desire…”, so I just imagined passion, the way I wanted to be, the way it never was…

“I want the sweet sun in your hair and the sea in your eyes!” so I just cried for him.

Sometimes, the pain is hidden in the brightest smile and the camera captures it all. Those are the pictures I love the most. Those are the picture he deletes.

“Where are you?” he asked me in the sunset.

I told him the truth.

Remember the heart I drew on the sand? The one with blurry, insecure borders and trembled letters? The one that the sea washed away? 

I think I got trapped inside it…

 

 

 

The image I used is an Adry del Rocio watercolor painting, with the title “There are memories that not even the sea can wash away…” I found the image at https://www.adrydelrocio.art/portfolio-items/adry-del-rocio-art-arte-watercolors-painting-there-are-memories-that-not-even-the-sea-can-wash-away/

 

 

 

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If a writer falls in love with you…

I see you crying. You do’t know it, but your tears are crystal clear drops of light, pure light and they bring you so close to me!

I see you looking in the mirror, searching for every little sign. That your swollen eyes are ugly and inexpressive, what a terrible lie! You don’t know it, but your eyes are open gates to a heavenly soul. Yours!

I see you struggling to create the magic on a blank page. You call it “the writer’s block”, I call it blindness. How I wish you could feel the magic inside you! Because you are simply amazing and your words are instruments of healing!

I see you dying a little more, every day. And you cannot see me…

Here I am, falling in love with your words.

Here I am, a tourist and a shadow in your world of emotions.

Here I am praying for you.

We’re writers and dreamers and we may never fit in (what they call) normality. Who cares? You and me, fulfilling old legends, we stay awake in each other’s dreams. We live for ever and a day in each other’s stories. We share memories of things that never happened. You and me. That’s the level of faith given unto our entwined souls!

I see you reading my words. Doubts and questions…Is it about me? you ask and the echo of your thoughts becomes the rhythm of my heart. Yes, it is about YOU.

I touch the cold screen of this old, broken laptop, just like you do. Right now. Close your eyes, let your fingers touch mine, from worlds apart. Do you feel me?

You are here now, with me, safe within my being. I’m keeping the memory of you-and-me, your tears and your struggle, even the words I never agreed to, I’m keeping them all, ’till the very last beating of my heart. And one beat away into the unknown…

Because you know…you became immortal…

…the day I fell in love with you.

 

Dear friends, I’m taking a short break from writing, since I’ll be travelling, for the next three weeks. I’ll still be here, reading and commenting, connecting in every way I can with every one of you. Falling in love with your words and praying for the lonely hearts out there. Thank you for not giving up on me!

Claudia

 

 

The source of the image: Penning a Letter by George Goodwin Kilburne

 

To the bright side…

Her kingdom has beautiful, tenebrous abysses, where castles’s walls, black and strong, are willing to keep her nightmares safe. And she climbed the spiral staircase so many times that she knows by heart every rusty corner of her memories.

She’s rushing into the same path, holding her love like a sword, her faith like a shield, shouting into the four corners of the darkness until, on the open wings of the wild wind, her voice is carried further into the unknown.

“I love you” is a declaration of war. What demon could resist it? What creature of the night would deny her thirst for blood and tears, hurt and misery? They all come, they all fight, they all fall. She’s left with scars that she admires, late in the deep, lonely night. Her own.

Afraid of the light, the wolf inside her feeds his hunger with broken promises and frustration. His howling speaks of desperate attempts to reach to the other side. But tears cut like knives so she’s laughing a cruel, angry laugh and she’s dancing a wild, chaotic dance, barefoot and broken in the flames of agony.

Well, one day…

When everything became too much.

And everywhere she looked, she only saw ruins.

When everyone had better things to do than to praise her martyrdom.

That day, the wolf inside got weaker and light grew stronger.

She redefined love in terms of tenderness and care, sweet emotions and joyful tears. She stopped teasing demons and learned to use her wings. She ran to the opposite direction!

Straight into the light!

Simply because…the boy with bright eyes belongs to the bright side of her kingdom. That’s where she lives now. I know you can see her…

Because that’s where you belong too…

 

 

 

I found the image at: https://www.etsy.com/sg-en/listing/258326089/cherokee-legend-two-wolves-quote-used-in

 

And Supergirls don’t cry!

Lying on the red, soft pillows, my mind is embracing the sweet, blissful euphoria, unable to create a single logical thought. Only sensations…like the warmth of my skin on the silky sheets, or your lips on my bare shoulders…it feels somehow unfair, but I can only smile, I can only feel…this “here and now” that people call “dream” and I call heaven…

In this “here and now”, this reality that we created in the name of love, passion, lust and desire, no one loses. You’re so close to me, like never before, and our love is not a frail shadow, but a burning light. I’m not afraid to be vulnerable with you, to let you hear my soft responses…“you make me so happy…”.

I whispered the words and you, with that boldly smile on your face, you ask me if you’re that good. Then you kiss my blushed cheeks and my bright eyes, the lips that are thirsting for you, the body that’s longing to feel you, again and again…the heart that has never felt so whole…

There’s no secret that I want you like no other man was ever desired…and there’s no lie in my pleading for more…we’re not breaking rules and we’re not crossing boundaries, we were meant to be one…So why do I see a shadow in your eyes? Scared and worried, you try to tell me that we need to go…

Oh, I’m not going anywhere, I just found my home and my shelter, here in your arms!

“But, darling, they’re coming…”

I don’t believe you and I’m not afraid. You don’t know, but, in the other “here and now”, in (what they call) real life, I already lost you, you already turned into a stranger. I faced the worse fight – the fight for your love – and I lost! Nothing scares me because there’s nothing left for me to lose.

You seem distracted and you cannot relate with my words. Are we okay? You and me… I ask feverishly and my heart is one beat away from desperation. You caress my hair.

“Sweet love, the danger comes from the outside, not from you-and-me…”

Not from the inside…I take a deep breath and I’m alive again! See, you’re safe with me…I’m a warrior by nature and that’s the thing I know the best! That’s what I do on a daily basis, I fight demons, ghosts, shadows, temptations! I’m strong and I’m skilled!

I can cross through fire! I can survive the acid rain! I’m faster than the thunders! I’m fearless when it comes to facing evil! I can even move mountains! I defeated death more than one time! I’m The Supergirl! Why don’t you believe me?

What I can’t do…the one thing I’ll never learn…and maybe I’m too sensitive, or childish, or simple, or boring…but I’ll never be able…

To make YOU love me…So please, don’t send me back, to the other “here and now”, to what they call “reality”, where you don’t love me anymore…where there’s no home and no shelter…

But it’s too late and, again, fear was stronger than love.

So, here I am, looking at you, my handsome man, elegant and distant, polite and cold, always sure of yourself, always taking us for granted. Here I am, trying to tell you about this crazy dream I just had, with you and me, making love on red, silky pillows.

“So, do you want to have sex? Is this what’s all about?”

The distance, the anger, the contempt in your voice…NO, absolutely NOT! This is NOT what’s all about!

“Ok, honey, see you later then.” and you kiss me on my pale cheek.

And my heart has never felt so broken. But I’ll be okay…I’m The Supergirl.

 

 

I found the image at: https://www.deviantart.com/yon-miyu/art/Sad-Supergirl-416148593

So hold me like we’re more than friends…

Lovers have a secret way of living, like their sunsets are sweet and darkness is only an interlude to a brighter day. I’ve seen it in movies, then I cried because I noticed it in your eyes, when you were dreaming away…

But we were never lovers, so how would I know?

Friends have a special way of carrying the weight of the world, for each other, when the burden of their imaginary crosses is too hard to bear. Then they laugh and say childlike things like it’s only normal to care so much…

But you said we’ll never be friends, so what should I feel?

Two strangers caught by the storm, forced to share a shelter, they may touch each other’s hands in the deep dark night, but they’ll never talk about it in the morning. Still, they’ll never take this touch for granted and that’s what saves them…

Still, I never found the right shelter, nor the perfect storm, so how could I touch you?

You say nothing and, normally, I wouldn’t disturb this silence between us, but, today, politeness felt so cold on your lips, it froze my senses and sealed all the promises I’m foolishly making to myself, every cold night. See, stranger, sometimes I don’t even know where to start, how to continue, when to end…this madness we call love.

We’ll never be friends, so hold me like we’re more…

And, in the morning, I’ll let you play it cool, like you lost your memory. Along with your heart.

 

 

I found the image at: http://moziru.com/explore/Drawn

 

 

 

Some of them want to use you…

The boy took off his mask, as he sat quietly on the edge of the roof, so I was able to take a closer look into his deep brown eyes. His fingers, still holding his mask, were trembling…I took the chance to hold his hand, just like I was already holding his heart – oh, little struggling bird – why do we always chose distance from closeness? Anger from vulnerability…

The boy was sad enough to be honest. The demon mask wasn’t going to protect him, not when loneliness settles in, still, he wouldn’t let it go. His darkness was made of fear, so how do I break the walls without breaking his heart? The answer came quickly, simple and wise.

“Show me the place where you met The Shadow. I need to see it.”

This took me by surprise. Oh, what a foolish thought, to believe I’m in control. Is it my own vulnerability the only guarantee he needs? Will it make him feel safe enough to try…to be human again? There was only one way…

At the distance of a memory, there’s the green field where my heart found love. Here we are, it’s me now, the one trembling. I’m scared of my memories, I’m scared of missing the arms that held me, I want to run away and I want to stay, to hold this boy’s hand, to help him cross the line. Do I still know the way back from this world of shadows, demons and lost souls?

“I needed to see the place, to feel its beauty. This is Love, vibrating in every petal of every flower. It’s you, in every gentle ray of light…”

It’s me without the one I loved so much. I thought I’m just an empty shell that God, in His mercy, filled with faith, hope and a love we call supreme. I was wrong…all my definition about myself are pale and inconsistent, dancing capriciously on the edge of madness. I’m ready to give in…

“Give me your heart, it’s all I need…and I promise…my demon mask will be lost forever. I need the peace I’m sensing within you! You lured me into your marvelous territory, so now I’m an addict. I want what I see in you. I want to devour your serenity, to bathe in your restfulness splendor.”

I see the light in his eyes and I smile. He’s nothing but a child…just like me, just like every lost soul that crossed the line in a desperate search of love.

“I cannot give you my heart, for it doesn’t belong to me, not anymore. And I cannot give you peace. Simply because, what you sensed in me is nothing but the purest reflection of the peace I sensed in you…”

“But this place…your place?”

“You created it, to embrace your own serenity. See, you may not feel ready to cross the line back to the real world, but your heart has already made the step.”

He gave me his demon mask.

“Here it is, use it wisely. You’ll need it because here, more than in real life, some of them will try to use you. To cling to you, to bite the very core of your faith, to imprison your dreams…For they are nothing but hungry for a love they rejected long ago. Please use it while I find my way back to humanity.”

I hugged him tight, wishing him all the love in the world.

Alone, in the place where I met The Shadow, with a heart that loved too much to survive the storm, I threw away the demon mask. Way into the abyss!

For one thing is sure…

As long as I have my angel wings, even broken, even hurt, even lost or misguided…

…this is the only shelter I’ll ever need.

 

 

I found the image at: http://pochemu-otchego.info/pochemu/pochemu-nelzya/pochemu-nelzya-budit-lunatikov/

 

Write the words I need to read…

Oceans away, love lies on empty sands and my eyes cannot see it…

My ears cannot hear the song of the blue waves rushing to the shore, no matter how hard I try, I’m just too far…

My open arms cannot reach him, so I embrace the space between us, telling myself, like I always do, that one day, some day…

His sadness becomes mine and every tear he keeps in the corners of his bright eyes is worth a thousand words. Still, I cannot wipe it away…

I contemplate love, written in the heart shaped clouds, but I’ll never touch the blue immensity, and it’s not even sad. It’s only human…

We have our prayers and we share the same faith, it should be enough for me to feel close, so why do I miss him so much…

A door opens sometimes, a glance into his life, a short moment when imagination conquers the rational reality. That’s when I breath…

We both know…my heart will never be the same…for love and sadness, closeness and longing became one in my being and it’s true…I wouldn’t trade this bitter-sweet feeling…I wouldn’t change a single emotion…I wouldn’t trade it for the world!

But, oceans away, love still lies on empty sands, broken and defeated once again…

Tired of promises, I kiss the eyes that cried for me. If only he could feel…

The gift I was given still lies deep inside me and maybe it’s time…

Because, if words are all we have to hold each other in the darkest nights, if love will only be a poem and I…I’ll only be his far-away-princess locked in the highest tower of his dreams…

Oh, if he’ll only be the metaphor in my novels…

Then I’ll write the perfect story, to touch his precious heart. The words he needs to read.

So that he’ll know…He is loved eternally.

 

 

I found the image at: http://www.bbc.com/earth/story/20170818-five-amazing-things-that-happen-in-the-ocean-at-night

 

I will rise into the wild!

I will fight the demons of the night! she whispered to herself, holding her little girl’s hand, pulling her closer, tighter when the flashing light approached them silently.

Just like a shadow, just like a ghost, she kept themselves hidden near the tall building, becoming one with the walls. The little girl was trembling, so she knelt and embraced her. It’s us against the world and we promised we’ll make it through the wild!

She was still beautiful, in spite of the pain and tiredness they were facing, and the darkness was only making her eyes brighter. Dressed so inappropriately, with clothes that simply don’t fit into these modern times of history, her only hope was to stay invisible. It’s in Your power to make the hungry sharks blind, please keep us safe! she kept praying in a low voice. And He did the miracle, the group of men passed them, no harm was done, not this time!

They stopped for a moment in front of a bright window. A store that look like paradise! Bread and water, rice and potatoes, chocolate and candies, even a doll! She saw tears into the little girl’s eyes and her heart broke once again. If only he would be with us…but she stopped herself before even saying the words. The little girl pointed to the stars. “Do you think he sees us?” Yes, he definitely sees us! “Do you think he’s proud of us?” More than proud, my little warrior! And the pain became stronger than the hunger.

In her little pocket, she kept a brown wallet, their ticket to freedom. Their chance to life. Foreign money, words written in a language she never learned. Pieces of paper with numbers, the price for their lives, a real fortune when you have nothing. Nothing but your faith! She took a step behind, leaning to the wall. That’s when she saw…

“Mommy, what’s that? Why is this drawing on the wall, what are these words? G-O-A-W-A-Y? It’s about us? Why do they hate us?”

She covered the child’s eyes so that she wont see the hateful words. Go away! We don’t want you here! No refugees in our country! And a picture with a man and a gun, looking straight into their eyes from the yellow poster. She took the little girl into her arms and ran! And ran until her feet were bleeding and her hopeless heart was agonizing!

“Why do we have to run?” asked the crying child.

Because, my sweet, this is how we stay alive. Remember the jungle? This is like…another kind of jungle. Another kind of wild…Don’t cry, you promised! But she was crying herself and the darkness and the cold became unbearable.

So the warm touch on her shoulder seemed to come from the place of angels and the gentleness in the eyes that looked upon them seemed to be miraculous. The old man asked if there’s anything they need. She looked down, but the little girl, in a trembling voice, started to tell about the horrors and the pain, the hunger and the loneliness, the death and the wild…

In her own language.

The old man understood nothing, so he repeated the question. Do you need anything? She said the only word she knew: SUGAR. Chocolate, bread and a warm blanket. Sugar.

A word that spoke about hunger and abuse, a word she heard on other lips, in circumstances that brought death and misery.

The old man smiled, but he made no move. She understood the meaning of his motionless attitude, so she took out the brown wallet and gave it to the kind, smiling man. He left with their precious papers. He left them waiting, he left them freezing on the empty street…

So close to the bright window of the store that looked like paradise…

So far away from humanity.

Please pray for the refugees, for all the families, from all over the world, in the search for a shelter.

 

 

I found the image at: https://mashable.com/2018/04/24/big-data-refugees/?europe=true

Baby, before it’s too late…

I’ll always remember the thunder…or was it only in my heart? The water was so warm, so why did this insidious coldness ran through my blood, leaving me numb? I saw him and, for one moment, through his absent eyes, I saw my future. So I let the thunder take my body into its abysses…

I’ll always remember the white of the sea…wasn’t it supposed to be blue? The sky was stormy, deep blue and thirsty for light, just like my soul, so why were the waters white like a wedding dress? I called his name, but he ignored my voice, so I let the sea whisper devious promises to my empty heart…

I’ll always remember how soft a falling can feel on my burning cheeks. The bottom of the sea was unexpectedly velvety, smooth, silky like my childhood’s memories, so why was I afraid? My mother’s eyes and my father’s voice, the arms that held me in my crying nights, the words of love, why did they all suddenly came back into my oblivious mind? I fought for life, just like I fought for him, so many times before…Too many times before, so I allowed myself to just be in peace…

Gasping for air, I found myself on the tough, wet sand, under a cruel sun.

If this is heaven, where are my wings?

If this is hell, where is my punishment?

If this is LIFE, where is he, the one who’s supposed to care?

Baby, before it’s too late, just look into my bleeding heart!

But I was dying on the wet sand, away from the white waters, away from thunders, so far away from my sweet childhood dreams. I was dying in vain, in love and in loneliness. My heart was breaking there, beating for no reason, stronger and clearer while clean air filled my lungs and death was waving goodbye with an ironic grin.

And he never knew how I forgave him a thousand times and I loved him a thousand ways. How I tried and I fought with all the strength in me. How a higher LOVE discovered me and it was far more brighter, stronger and filled with faithfulness. A love that healed my empty heart.

Because that moment when I, numb and weary, dazed and teary, I crawled to safe land, I promised myself to never forget. And I kept my promise.

I’ll always remember that moment when I was saved by GRACE.

 

 

 

I found this image at: https://ro.pinterest.com/pin/78601955966507736/?lp=true

 

 

Don’t you know? It’s the end of the world…

– Dedicated to Rebecca –

I met him on the bridge of fire, he was walking with dreamy eyes and a careless attitude that always fascinated me. His boyish smile was enough to make me forget where I am, so the walls crumbled down and I ran into his arms.

He needed no weapon to convince me to follow him deeper into the world of shadows. He awakened memories, long forgotten smiles and a feeling I never imagined possible for me. Because feeling safe was far more important than feeling loved and he knew it!

He promised me a shelter and a place I could call “home”. I listened, hypnotized by the gentle tone of his voice. He asked me to trust him and that’s when I felt a cold shiver running through my veins. Old vows like “I wont trust the shadows, for they belong to the darkness…” went down the black water of oblivion.

What a happy day! I told myself.

What a joyful encounter! He whispered in my ear.

What a foolish gesture! To break down my defenses, for him to see inside…

His fingers draw undiscovered paths on my skin, the air become fire and, before I realized, he lured me into his world. His castle became my home for a second that lasted an eternity. He asked me to stay there, with him, for him, to be his. I almost said yes.

But then again…my blindness couldn’t last for ever. Nor my vulnerability! I needed freedom like I needed air! My way out of this labyrinth of chaos and destruction.

What happened to you? I asked with an undisguised tremble. You used to be so kind, you used to say the nicest things…You used to search for the light! And now?

Surrounded by demonic statues and stoned snakes, he lifted his shoulders, pointing around him.

“This is what happened. I got bored, I got stuck and there was no one to join me for eternity. What’s the point of going to Heaven, if all I found was an empty place? So I fell, like all of them. You call them demons? I call them friends.”

I cried at the thought of light turned into darkness. I felt nothing but compassion for the deceived one. He wiped away my tears.

“As for you…Maybe you’re my reward. Maybe I’m your curse. I’m not that bad and you’re not that good, we’re both just hiding from the storm.”

I demanded him to take me back home and he laughed.

“Why would you go home? Don’t you know? It’s the end of the world…it started while we were missing, in our quest for light, giving hope to the hopeless and love to the loveless. We were saving a dying world! Noble, but so foolish!”

That’s when I knew…I wont be deceived, I wont be leaded into temptation. Not this time, for this is not about me! It’s his story, his second chance and I’m here as an instrument of Love. A dream come true for me, a miracle for him. So I fell on my knees, asking God to love what’s beyond forgiveness…

I’ll never meet him on the bridge of fire, never again. For I was forgiven and he was saved. That’s the measure of our God’s love. Beyond any border…

 

 

The source of the image: http://www.upsocl.com/creatividad/10-ideas-para-crear-ingeniosas-alas-para-disfraces-de-hadas/