“She has the saddest blue eyes I’ve ever seen…but I’ve seen them before and I don’t know where…”
My thoughts were interrupted by the harsh sound of a slammed door. The smell of disinfectant solution filled the air. The nurse leaned over me (“she refuses to press charges…next time he’ll kill her…”) and her whispered words brought shivers down my spine. The girl in front of me was too young to die…
She looked at me with her piercing blue eyes and I suddenly remembered…
My first interview for the job of my dreams. I’m wearing my short white dress…Decent, yet sweet, almost covering my knees, creating a nice illusion that my legs are longer than they actually are (I read this on the Internet!). First time on heels because I need to look smart and sexy, young and enthusiast, but very sure of myself and in control of my own emotions (this I read it too on that amazing site!).
How…what…I was walking and now…
I don’t remember falling, but the pain is real. I hear a child crying…my God! Is the child alright? I feel something warm and wet on my left leg and I’m afraid to open my eyes…
I’m dreaming…I will wake up and I’ll get ready for this interview…I will get the job…
The first color I see when I open my eyes is red. And I cry. Someone’s touching my hair, caressing it, wiping away my tears and it feels so safe. Then the pain, again…
“These heels should be forbidden. You’re very lucky, the cut on the leg is not deep and I was able to stop the bleeding.” I open my eyes to the gentle sound of his voice. An angel?
He smiles at me.
“Hey, angels aren’t supposed to wear such high heels. And where were you rushing like that?”
He called me “an angel” and he’s holding my hand. He tells me that he’s a doctor and I’m lucky he was walking on that part of the town. His little girl wanted ice cream and they saw me…
“Now, look into my eyes. I need to disinfect the wound and you need to stay very calm. This wont hurt at all, I swear.”
He lied. The burning sensation is so intense…He’s asking me where was I going (to distract me from the pain) and, through tears, I tell him about the job of my dreams, about how my parents tried to stop me, how they’re always controlling my life…I’m sure I’m being ridiculous, but he pretends to be interested.
“I actually think that control is a good thing for someone so delicate like yourself. You’re very young and inexperienced, so it’s normal to rebel. In time, with the proper guidance…”
I pull away. (“You lied. It hurts terribly and I missed my interview. I’m sorry I took your time…”)
“It was my pleasure to help you. I want to see you again. Tomorrow. You can have a coffee while I’m checking your leg.”
I still hear a child crying. A little girl with the saddest blue eyes and a red trace on her cheek. And I remember…I remember her laughing when I fell. I remember the sound of his hand slapping the face of that little girl. I remember her crying in pain and the words he said…
And I run away. I run from my guilt, I run from this man, I run from her sad blue eyes.
The young girl in front of me has the saddest blue eyes I ever saw. And her bruises and cuts can’t hide her beauty. I gently touch her hand and she pulls away.
“I don’t want to press charges…I love him and, in his way, he loves me too.”
“I believe he does…but his way of loving you it’s hurting you, it’s causing you pain. It’s killing you. Love comes in many ways, in many forms…what kind of love are you dreaming of?”
“I just…I just want this pain to stop. Will it always hurt like this?”
“No…time heals…the pain gets smaller till it wont hurt at all. As long as you’re alive, as long as we fight together to find the real you. The strong and beautiful woman who deserves tenderness and respect.”
I lied. Time never truly heals…It just makes us stronger. And braver. To go beyond the pain, the hurt, the brokenness inside.
To find a love that never hurts, never breaks, never kills.