Why is it so difficult to follow the heart’s chosen path? Many years ago, a friend of mine made a choice. A beautiful choice and I admired her with all my heart. We were both in high school, attending the religion classes. Every class begun with prayers and our teacher used to ask us if we need a special prayer, for us or for someone close to us.

And it was always the same story, we needed God’s help for our exams, or, maybe, if someone had a conflict, we were praying for those persons to find a common ground and peace in their heart.

That morning we were bored and tired. We didn’t wanted to pray for anything or anyone. But there was something in Maria’s eyes. Tears? She was always so strong, the type of child that easily becomes a leader. And now…Her voice was trembling.

Maria was 17 when she felt the calling. A restless feeling, like missing someone or something. She tried to ignore this feeling. She tried to learn better, to date a boy from her class, to be a “normal” teenager. She tried to hide it, even from herself. But every time she was kneeling in front of that old cross she felt like home. And His love seemed to be the only answer she was searching for.

A child of God, born in an atheistic family…

She told us about her parent’s reaction. It’s hard to describe the anger, the disappointment, the harsh words…the threats and the offenses. From being ungrateful to being psychotic…from going to a psychiatrist to “fix” her to going to court to sue the school, the religion teacher, maybe even God. From taking away her cell to throwing her out of the house…

Back then I couldn’t possible imagine where is she taking her strength from. And, even if I hugged her and tried to comfort her, I felt she’s making a mistake. My faith was so weak…

Ten years later, sitting on a bench in front of a small white church, Sister Maria told me that she forgave them. Her congregation became her family. At 27, only the strands of white hair and the fine lines around her eyes, reminded me of the years when she went trough hell.

She had a warm smile when she talked about her parents. And a special light in her eyes when she talked about the moment when she discovered that she’s meant to be a nun.

“They asked me if I lost my mind. I told them that I discovered love…They said I’m throwing my life away…I said I’m saving my soul. Then they yelled at me…they asked what kind of love is this? I didn’t know what to say, I was only 17, how could I possibly explain…So I just looked up to the sky, begging from help. The words came so unexpected, so clearly and I just knew…

I love Him because He loved me first

 

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