It’s freezing cold outside and the cruel wind reminds me of winter. What I feel is a bitter-sweet nostalgia. I promised myself that I wont slip back again into that black hole of depression, but I wont deny that this emotion becomes more intense with every day…

I miss…no, I only wish I could go back in time and just take one moment to enjoy…

The feeling of having so many paths to uncover…

Knowing that it’s absolutely alright to make mistakes…and to try again and again…

Dreaming of my Prince Charming and a love that’s going to last centuries…

Being childlike and childish sometimes…

And it’s true, I had so many chances. I had my paths and I walked proudly through light and shadows, making choices that weren’t always the right ones. It didn’t matter. My choices, my mistakes, my lessons of life. I held my head high and walked on.

And I have built a family based on love, respect and commitment , just like I promised. It took me some time to understand that my Prince Charming is only a man, with qualities and faults. A normal guy…oh, how I blamed him for not being my fairy-tale prince. How I almost destroyed our home, the only castle I’ll ever have…How I searched for princes and fairy tales in all the wrong places.

How I hated myself after. 

But he was (still) there, with his arms wide open for me. It wasn’t a fairy-tale romance, it was real life. Normality…and I love him for giving it to me.

I always want what I cannot have. This morning, in this freezing cold rain, I wanted an ever-lasting spring. Butterflies that wont die after only one day. Sparks that wont turn into ashes. To rush into the arms of a gentle storm.

Now I wish it would rain down on me. So the water from the sky would wash away this feeling…

Restless heart, why can’t you find peace?

 

 

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