I’m just a few hours away from wearing a mask…

So…in the name of authenticity and honesty, I’m going to find a nice, cozy place, here, in the blogosphere, and tell you all the crazy thoughts running through my mind. Because today…I’m still 36! But tomorrow, oh tomorrow…lucky me…I’m turning 37!

Why, oh, why…can’t I be 36 another year? I don’t like 37. When I was a child, 37 sounded like…ancient. It still does…a little. But let’s be serious for a moment, because I mentioned something about a mask. And of course, there’s a story.

I created “the mask” around 10 years ago when I noticed that the people I love feel very disturbed if I act like myself in two occasions: Christmas and my birthday. (Myself meaning: a little self-irony, a bit of sarcasm, wanting to spend my birthday on the top of the highest mountain or…on the beach enjoying the biggest tiramisu ever, dreaming of a Christmas in a little village with tones of snow and no relatives at all…and so on). So I created a sort of emotional mask.

Other wise, it will be like…

What mountain, dear? You mean you want to be alone? Oh, that’s soooo sad…

What beach, sweetie? Can’t you see it’s raining outside, like every year on your birthday? (oh, yes, the sky knows it too!)

What tiramisu, darling? It contains alcohol and the children will be frustrated because they are not allowed…isn’t it nicer if you bake your famous strawberry cake? Don’t be selfish on your birthday…

A little village? Far away? No relatives? Just you, your husband and the kids you said? Ohhh, how you’re breaking our hearts…

And, of course…Don’t be sad on your birthday, mommy…

and…Are you upset with us?

and…Why are you so sarcastic…we’re all trying to make YOU happy!

Ughhhh…

So,(since I have my mask)  instead of those written above, it will be like:

Walking gracefully wearing a nice dress, high heels and a wild orchid perfume…

Smiling sweetly, saying “Age is just a number!”…

Expressing gratitude for every (un)necessary condescend remark…

Pretending to be happy, filled with joy and love.

That’s the mask…So, in my last moments of freedom, let me just scream from the top of my lungs Nooooo…don’t take me there!!! I don’t want my 37 birthday partyyyy!!! I want back, back to 36…or better…26…or better…No, 16 was awful! And I want my beach! Or my mountain! Or…at least…a little village…can I, can I???

OK, forget the mask! Who needs it anyway? I’m smiling now and it’s nothing bitter in my smile. I already have the greatest gifts anyone can ask for: my children, the love of my husband, a home. Thank you, God, for giving me another birthday!

And, dear Mister TIME…I know we had our disagreements but…could you stop for a second? To say the magic word, to enjoy the magic feeling. LOVE.

Okay, Mister TIME, I’m ready! Let me be 37!

 

 

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