He grabbed my arm and I froze.

As I was standing there, in the middle of an empty street, looking terrified at the traces of blood and dirt on my hands and dress, trying to remain calm, memories like flashlights were crossing through my mind. The reason I got myself into this…

It happen two months ago. Of course, I knew him and I knew he’s stalking me. Still, my main feeling wasn’t fear…This boy, a homeless 18-20 years old child, living on the streets, always dirty, always bruised, always talking to himself…no, I wasn’t afraid of him. It was (I’m ashamed to admit it) disgust what I was feeling inside.

That sunny morning I saw him again. He was following two school girls who were too caught in their talk and play to even notice him. I felt alarmed. Looking closer, I saw something shiny in his hand. My imagination decoded the object as a knife…So I decided to stop this right there. But, before I was able to say anything to the girls…

It just happen. And now, he was starring at me with blurry eyes and blood running down his cheeks.

Have I done well? Have I?

-We need to call an ambulance, you are hurt…

Have I? Have I done well? 

I was dialing the number, but his pleading voice made me stop for a second.

-Yes, you did well. You are a hero and a wonderful boy. And you did great!

As I was talking to the operator, he started to sing. I noticed he was smiling happily, in spite of the pain.

-I did well and the angel saw me! She did.

I was convinced he’s hallucinating, but I was determined to keep him awake.

-Where is the angel? Do you see your guardian angel?

He looked at me very confused.

-The angel. You. Yellow hair. Wings. Flowers.

-Flowers? Wings?

-Here…wings (he pointed at the necklace I was wearing). Flowers. You smell like flowers.

He started to moan in pain so I tried to stop him from talking. But there was no way…

-Johny (that’s how he calls himself) saw the girls. Then Johny saw the black car. The black car would have killed the girls. Johny pushed the girls away. The car was too close! Johny did well. The angel said  Johny did well.

I was searching for something to use, to stop the bleeding from his head. Nothing…Then I saw it in my purse. My perfume, a fragrance of roses and jasmine.

-Johny, do you want this? Is a perfume, it smells like flowers. It’s for you…

He seemed blocked. Then I saw the tears in his eyes.

-A gift for Johny. Perfume. Flowers. Johny will be an angel too.

-Yes, it is yours.

Then Johny will give you a gift. Here. This is the gift from Johny. 

He opened his fingers and I saw the shiny object. The one I defined as “a knife”. The big threat. It was the Miraculous Medal…

The ambulance arrived. Then the police. Johny was taken to the hospital. The next day he became an angel.

I went home and hugged my children. I cried a lot. But still not enough.

Why was I so quick on judging him? On seeing the bad, the evil, the danger, the disgust?

His blood was on my hands, literally. And on my conscience. I should have known, I should have stopped him from jumping in front of that car. I should have seen the angel in him.

To love each other…when did this became so difficult? Can we learn?

Can I learn? Will I ever…?

5 thoughts on “Can we learn to love again?

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