I almost lost her six years ago…

I remember laying in that hospital bed, trying to cry, trying to feel…there was nothing but a dark, deep emotional void. People around me were repeating the same senseless sentences. Empty words, pointless and cruel…

“You need to be strong now…”

“Your crying is hurting her…”

“You can’t see her, if you’re in this state of mind…”

“We have no explanation for what happen, unless…maybe you’re hiding something…”

Hiding something…

I hided my tears and I replaced the pain with anger. I kept acting calm, strong and cold. I asked about my rights. I asked about her options. I started to make accusations. I demanded another medical opinion. I fought.

And in the inside…

The pain was so deep, so huge and so overwhelming that I just wanted to die. I cried till I couldn’t breath. I started to pray with desperation. I stopped believing in justice. Any kind of justice. I felt helpless, abandoned and alone…

And with her…

I held her tiny hand when no one was looking. She looked into my eyes and I knew…our story was just beginning. I told her about a beautiful place called HOME. A place of kindness and gentleness and love…a place where she will be held unconditionally. I promised her that my love will heal every wound. I smiled and it seemed that she’s smiling back.

And now…

I feel blessed for celebrating her 6’th birthday.

I can’t imagine a day without her joy, her beauty, her sense of humor, her sweet and innocent way of discovering the world.

Who am I without her? I’m grateful beyond words that I never had to find out…

 

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