Here they are, hundreds pages, all written by hand. Three years of our lives…

-That’s…a bit obsessive! I mean, look at the characters, they’re so small…and every letter has at least seven pages. Pretty long for a love letter…

-They aren’t love letters…yes, he used to write the words…”I love you” in different shapes and colors. But look at the red parts…these are quotes from the Bible…And here, in blue, quotes from famous sermons…

-Back then…you were 18…

-Yes, in 1998 we didn’t had Facebook, cellphones, smartphones…Anyway, you wanted to know about our abrupt ending, right?

The music was loud, compensating the silence between us. The road was empty and he was driving so fast…to nowhere. A terrible thought…if I die in his car, no one will know…Suddenly, he stopped the car.

-Here…let me help you…

My hands were cold and I was trembling. We were somewhere, out of town, on an deserted beach, climbing over the cliffs. And the black waves rushing angrily to the shore.

-Isn’t it beautiful? If you knew how many times I imagined…you and me…here. In this secret place, away from the world…baby, you’re trembling! Let me give you my jacket…

-No…I’m fine…

I wasn’t fine. I was sad, I was so far away from home, running away…And I was scared. Terrified.

-You’re not fine…Please talk to me. Look at me, I’m the same person. Okay…I lied about my age. But I fell for you and I was afraid you’ll run from me if I tell you my real age…

-You’re 32…and you’re not a student…You told me you’re a student at Medical School. What is your real occupation?

He looked down.

-Does it really matter?

He took my hand and continued.

-I was…in a bad situation three years ago, when we started this correspondence. Feeling lonely, desperate…you were my only light. Baby…I was in jail, that’s the truth. I knew you’re so much younger than me, a teenager…I just wanted you to love me. Your innocence, your beauty…Please don’t cry…Why are you crying now?

-Because they told me…my parents. And I called them stupid and selfish. This was the last thing I told them, before going to the train station. And they were right…

-They really are selfish…They don’t understand our love, our faith…so they try to destroy it!

-What love? What faith? I was blind…I want back…back home…

I started to cry harder and pushed him away. A wrong step…the cliff was slippery and I was standing at the edge…I saw myself falling and my tears froze on my face. Then, suddenly, I was in his arms, unable to breath…

-Breath…slowly…now open your eyes and look at me…See? I’m not here to hurt you in any way…I’m here to offer you a shelter. And yes, I lied. But because of these lies I discovered the Bible. Your love was my way to God…In your heart, you must know…I am real. Can’t you love me the way I am?

I didn’t answered so he understood. He drove me back to the train station…

-You can take them, if you want…

-So that’s it? He never wrote you again?

-Never…and, at first I was relieved…But then…I was upset, you know?

-Of course you were! I would have been furious at him!

-No…upset at myself…Because I was too caught in my own fantasy…to really listen to him, to really open my heart. I accused him of a crime I always committed…

-You never…

-Yes, I did it too…but, in my case, I only lied to myself…

 

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2 thoughts on “Deep inside your heart, you know I’m real

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