And you’re carrying it through storms and rain, fire and wild winds…

I heard his voice but I still couldn’t open my eyes. It was almost like hearing him from another world, another time…And I was lost there, in this magic sensation. His hands on my bare shoulders…

See…no more pain. You just pushed yourself too hard lately. Remember the secret place? Where you used to hide when we were kids? Remember when they searched for you for more than an hour? The doctor was waiting with…

-With the sharpest needle I ever saw. Ready to torture me!

He laughed, drawing an imaginary needle on my bare back.

-That big! You said you’d rather die than taking that painful treatment. 

-Yes. And you started to cry saying “nooo, don’t die!” But I wasn’t dying. I was just terrified by the pain…Stephan, I remember! The doctor gave YOU the injection!

He pulled me closer and the sudden move made me fall on the bed…

-Look what you did!

-What? I did nothing! You just needed an excuse to fall on my bed!

-Yeah, right…I’m sure you’d like to think so…

It took me by surprise how careless I was acting around him. And how easy it was for me to laugh…

Silly girl…you really think I took that painful treatment for you! It means I was a pretty good actor…Now, listen to the cruel reality…I arranged with the doctor to pretend that I’m in pain…

-Why? I remember how you screamed. And you cried like a little baby! I laughed a whole month…

I did it so you’d laugh and feel braver…I knew it would help you. The doctor said it was a brilliant idea!

-So you tricked me!

He turned my head so I could face him, but I couldn’t look into his eyes.

-What’s wrong?

-I don’t know. I have to go…

He stopped me from leaving. His arms were stronger than I remembered.

These tears…do you know what you’re doing now? You’re searching for a place to hide. Because, deep inside your heart, you’re still terrified of the pain. Any pain…Baby, I’m not here to cause you pain…I’m here to take away the burden from these delicate shoulders of yours. 

I looked deep into his eyes.

-I know, Stephan. I’m starting to realize it…But we both know what it will happen if I wont hide. The consequences of my brokenness will continue to break…every one I love. And this weighs more than the world itself…

Because my first choice will always be my family. And I’m afraid…not of my pain…

but of their own…

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3 thoughts on “It’s just the weight of the world

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