Go on, talk to her…she already knows your deepest secrets. Your anger, your pain, your anguish and sorrows. And the tears…see, you cannot fool her…no wave could ever wash away your crying. So, go on, just talk to her. My forever love knows how to listen… 

His forever love rushed angrily to the shore. The sea is so agitated, reflecting the ambiguity of my own emotions. Light and darkness, love and pain, tenderness and anger…His forever love saw them all. And how many tears fell in the salty blue waters….

And, for no reason, I can’t talk today. I want to break free, I want to swim away from the shore and I want to howl to the stormy waters…I just don’t want to talk. I feel I should, just like I used to, as a child. But I’m not a child anymore, not today…And I cry again in front of this old sailor who probably thinks I’m just another weird, drugged, lost tourist…

But the truth is…this is HOME and I’m tired of denying it. Here, far away from pretending a joy I never recalled as my own…Deep into my sadness. Crying in front of a stranger, but…aren’t we all strangers?

Oh yes, marriage is complicate business. And I saw you two, you’re like fire and ice. When one is melting, the other gets destroyed. Isn’t it funny? You can’t get close to one another…

He laughs but the sea knows better…his boat is bouncing dangerously…I look around me, there is so much beauty in the wild. Another huge wave reminds me that I’m too close…the cliffs are terribly sharp and I know I was never safe, but…

I just don’t want to leave.

You better get off those cliffs, Miss…My old lady can be pretty harsh when she’s mad. And she’s mad like hell. No sweet words can calm her down once she’s set on bringing me down. Come on, give me that pretty hand of yours, I’ll help you get off. And go tell that lunatic man of yours that he shouldn’t let you walk alone. Not when the storm is coming…

Wait…

He’s looking at the heart shaped rock in my hand. I found it on one of my long walks. A gift from the sea. Or maybe more?

Now that’s a story! You throw away your heart and the sea gives it back to you! 

White, perfect, with a soft, fine surface…but hard like any rock. Shaped by years of angry waves, but strong enough to never break into pieces. The storms made it sharp, but it’s unable to hurt someone…Is it the right time?

To melt away the wall I build around me. Even if the fire in me is risking destruction.

Because we’re like fire and ice, storm and sunny sky, ocean and volcano, all at once, all inside us, all creating love and destroying us as we go in the deep, dark waters…

So…where are you, when the sky is falling and I’m clinging to a rocky heart? When all I ever want is to hold you tight…come to me and bring my fire back to life.

 

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6 thoughts on “When all I wanted was to hold you tight…

  1. I honestly think I could comment on every post of yours dear friend…. each has its own meaning, and its own symbolism to my own story. The visions you paint with your words, are so moving. What drew me in this one, of all things, was the heart shaped rock. Throwing your heart away, and the sea bringing it back, a heart hardened in stone for all the years of turmoil and angry waves…. this is a sad, yet all too familiar portrayal for so many in this world. We try to so hard to cling to what first brought us to that love – wanting to feel that wholeness again, that we subject ourselves to anything…. The ultimate cost…. that heart of stone…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m grateful for every one of your comments…the way you see behind words straight into my heart it touches me deeply. A heart shaped rock, clouds that took the shape of wings, many coincidences and people saying unexpected things out of the blue…I felt I’m surrounded by angels more than once. This feeling is and it will always remain my anchor…and a reason more to keep an open, soft heart…Even if, sometimes, I almost wish…but that’s foolish thinking ☺ especially when I have friends like you!

      Liked by 1 person

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