Sitting on the edge of my bed, he took my hand and looked into my eyes. With love, a love I wouldn’t expected. Anger, resentment, harsh words…I was ready to face them all. But love…how do I handle this love? Where do I hide its light when the darkness inside me is calling me to deny it?

How will I explain this compassion, this gentleness, this great forgiveness to my hardened, rocky heart? That knows nothing but bitterness…

And this voice, the song of all songs…

-What pushed you so far away from me? When and how have I lost you…? When all I did was waiting here, like a beggar, for just a little sign that you’re willing to open your heart…

The guilt was building inside me like a dark flame. He wiped away my salty tears. I tried to say “I’m sorry” but he stopped me.

-Don’t…I know your heart better than you know yourself. You want to leave and you are free to do it. You said I’m the one to blame. I wasn’t there. I didn’t listened to your crying. I didn’t cared…Oh, if you only knew how deeply it hurts. Don’t look down…look into your heart.

And I’m looking…

I see myself falling and I see him…lifting me up.

I see myself tired and I see him…carrying me home.

I see myself in the middle of a nightmare and I see him…holding me tight when I sleep, chasing away the shadows around me.

I see myself betraying him…and he’s in pain.

I see myself hurting him, shouting at him, hating him and I see…his love growing.

-And now, look into my eyes. This is the promise I’m making. This is why I came for you.

His love, his protection, his ever lasting light. And I can’t…I want to run so I wouldn’t face this guilt anymore. But my feet hurts, everything hurts and I fall. He holds me once again and my lips can’t move, but my heart is speaking out in pain.

“I am sorry…I am so deeply sorry…please forgive me…and never stop loving me.”

-Do you know who I am?

“You’re my Lord, Jesus Christ.”

-Do you love me?

“I love you. I’d die for you, my Lord”

Then live for me.

My head is hurting from crying myself to sleep again. It’s 4 am and the raging storm is howling in the darkness. I look at the pills and I remember the miracle. With trembling hands I empty the small bottle into the trash. And with a trembling voice I speak into the darkness.

There’s no way back now, Lord. I will live for you.

 

 

 

 

 

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15 thoughts on “Would you die? For the one you love?

  1. This one really resonated with me as I have allowed myself to fall so far away from Christ over the years. I’ve always had my core beliefs, but as I let society and the other tools of the darkness filter into my life…I reached the point I thought I had done too much wrong to ever turn back to Him. I know His word…and His promise that He will always be there for us, all we have to do is ask. Stepping to one’s faith is the toughest and bravest things that we can do for ourselves.
    May your smile return and the peace within you be the shield you need to stand strong in your faith, and in your life!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. For me, simply knowing that people like you still exists in the world, it’s a prove that God is watching over us…and having you as my friend is another expression of His endless love. Thank you…I’m so grateful that my words resonates with something so pure and beautiful…your faith.
      And, you know, He’s still there, waiting at the gates of your heart, and He’ll wait for as long as it takes…for you to love Him back.
      Be blessed and loved!

      Liked by 1 person

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