“Not even for a broken trust. In fact, that’s the silliest reason to kill for…So he betrayed you, so he played with your mind, so what? Isn’t the grass just as green as always? Aren’t the birds singing the greatest serenades of life with the same passion and joy of living?”
-I know you are right, but the anger I’m feeling inside…You speak of green grass and birds singing…I see a deep dark forest and I just want to get lost inside it. There, where my demons run free…there is my peace!
“You call it peace, I call it bitterness. You’ll lose your minds is this swirling storms created by your own restless emotions. Look above you…see the blue skies…”
-Leave me alone with your blue skies! I need my storms so my rage could howl into the night! And that voice, I promise you, will be stronger than any hurricane! And more devastating than the infernal flames of hell!
“How about your faith? Are you ready to throw this away too? Like every gift He gave you?”
-He will understand! He must.
“Don’t leave yet…don’t let your eyes be blinded by hate. Don’t let your soul feel the terrible taste of revenge. It’s still time. Don’t kill it, set it free…Your inner child did nothing wrong. The little girl inside your heart…
-…I hate her…
“She committed no crime. She does what she knows best…loving, trusting, believing, carrying…Don’t punish her because someone, somewhere took this trust for granted and smashed it to the ground! Don’t…”
Too late. I’m running into the deep dark forest, thirsty for revenge. Hungry for the feeling of self-inflicted pain. I run with my demons and I whisper cursed words. I’m ready.
And she is there, innocent as always, smiling as always, happy to see my hate-transformed soul. The little girl I’m going to kill so I’ll finally have peace.
She looks into my eyes and gently touches my face.
“It wasn’t your fault, you know? My brave hero, how I waited! For years…for you to be angry enough, desperate enough, lost enough…to come into the deep dark forest. I thought you have forgotten about me…”
Little did she know that my demons pushed me into the dark and I was that close…of losing myself for ever.
So I take her in my arms and I run again. This time, into the light. This time there will be no shadow. I’m setting her free so I’d be able to love again…
and to trust…
more than my shadows.
NOTE: This is a fragment of a therapy centered on healing the inner child. The metaphors I used in this context may seem dark, but they only express the path we need sometimes to walk on, in order to find healing. Because, too many times, the unexpressed anger kills more than our inner child…