“Not even for a broken trust. In fact, that’s the silliest reason to kill for…So he betrayed you, so he played with your mind, so what? Isn’t the grass just as green as always? Aren’t the birds singing the greatest serenades of life with the same passion and joy of living?”

-I know you are right, but the anger I’m feeling inside…You speak of green grass and birds singing…I see a deep dark forest and I just want to get lost inside it. There, where my demons run free…there is my peace!

“You call it peace, I call it bitterness. You’ll lose your minds is this swirling storms created by your own restless emotions. Look above you…see the blue skies…”

-Leave me alone with your blue skies! I need my storms so my rage could howl into the night! And that voice, I promise you, will be stronger than any hurricane! And more devastating than the infernal flames of hell!

“How about your faith? Are you ready to throw this away too? Like every gift He gave you?”

-He will understand! He must.

“Don’t leave yet…don’t let your eyes be blinded by hate. Don’t let your soul feel the terrible taste of revenge. It’s still time. Don’t kill it, set it free…Your inner child did nothing wrong. The little girl inside your heart…

-…I hate her…

“She committed no crime. She does what she knows best…loving, trusting, believing, carrying…Don’t punish her because someone, somewhere took this trust for granted and smashed it to the ground! Don’t…”

Too late. I’m running into the deep dark forest, thirsty for revenge. Hungry for the feeling of self-inflicted pain. I run with my demons and I whisper cursed words. I’m ready.

And she is there, innocent as always, smiling as always, happy to see my hate-transformed soul. The little girl I’m going to kill so I’ll finally have peace.

She looks into my eyes and gently touches my face.

“It wasn’t your fault, you know? My brave hero, how I waited! For years…for you to be angry enough, desperate enough, lost enough…to come into the deep dark forest. I thought you have forgotten about me…”

Little did she know that my demons pushed me into the dark and I was that close…of losing myself for ever.

So I take her in my arms and I run again. This time, into the light. This time there will be no shadow. I’m setting her free so I’d be able to love again…

and to trust…

more than my shadows.

NOTE: This is a fragment of a therapy centered on healing the inner child. The metaphors I used in this context may seem dark, but they only express the path we need sometimes to walk on, in order to find healing. Because, too many times, the unexpressed anger kills more than our inner child…

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8 thoughts on “Nothing to kill or die for…

  1. Oh my friend…. This post has left me riddled with thoughts tonight. The demons, that dark forest…I can relate to that… I have been there. The demons- those bastards rob us of everything. The inner child- that little girl deserves to have her dreams of love and trust and such…. May your little girl always find the strength to stand at the front. It is not wrong to believe in the hope of love and trust and all of that.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. There’s one thing I learned from dealing with inner demons (my own and other’s): you cannot rise above the darkness unless you confront them. And the most important…the most vivid sign of victory is when the inner child, that innocent and free part of ourselves is safe and sane.
      My dearest friend, I saw that inner child in your eyes, it’s so miraculous to see the sparks of joy (yes, even through our Facebook pictures ☺ ) and it inspired me to set free the little girl inside me. So, if you ever need any help in moving mountains, here I am!
      Be blessed and stay safe during the outer and inner storms!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are amazing dear Claudia!! You have a gift Mich like one of mine….look into the eyes, and see past the mask! My inner child has fought with me for a very long time. She has a lot of catching up to do in this world, and yes, that is the joy and the spark that is driving me now. That child deserves to live freely….to have fun in life….to be at my side as I begin this monumental leg of my journey. There very well may come a time when I take you up on that help with the mountains. I want to make a difference in this world, and I will succeed….having friends like you by my side will help make that posdiblrt!!

        Liked by 2 people

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