She was waving at me, with her big eyes and her glorious smile. The light surrounding her face seemed to descend from another world. But the sound of the train was real, as her golden hair, flying on the swirling winds…

And I wondered if I’m the only one seeing her.

“So, tell me. Tell me what do you see! What keeps you here, between trains, between worlds. What is it that you cannot let go?”

I should have told her about her heart of gold. About the innocence and the undying sense of justice. I should have mentioned her sensibility, her visions of a future that never came true. Her pink clouds she kept walking on…until…

“No, not this…this I knew already. The other ones…the bad things…”

Oh, how could I ever mention anything wrong, when I know how she cannot stand to be criticized. She always smiles, but she cries, saying harsh words to herself. She never truly knew how bright she can shine…How would I mention her being judgemental from time to time. Her lack of trust and her inability of seeing the nuances…

“My turn now. I think you’re driving me away because of him. He broke your heart and you’re blaming me! And you want to believe that love is something like a sweet, calm, golden autumn day. 

So let me give you my truths. Love makes you fly so high, so brilliantly, so beautifully…that you ask yourself how could you ever go back…

And Love is a storm. A gentle, yet powerful storm, creating butterflies inside you. Taking away, breaking down your walls. Taking off your masks. Making you new…”

She’s dancing on the railway and her golden hair is filled with white butterflies. She laughs and cries at the same time. She is the storm. She is the sunshine. She is…

The girl I knew so well…

The girl I used to be…

Don’t…come back…I said all the wrong things! And worse…I didn’t listened! The train is gone…and so is she…and I cry…I just cry…

A crystal laugh and dancing butterflies. Her golden hair with rose petals and spring perfume. A pink cloud and a tender rain…why is it raining with little rainbows, shaped like hearts?

“Because I’m here.”

And she’s laughing and she’s embracing my fading heart…

“So…Will you shine again? Come on! Just because some idiot broke your heart…now, is this a reason to bury yourself into darkness? When Light and Love are just one step away?”

Just make a wish… and you’ll be a mirror for the Light around you. Even when you’re broken in sharp pieces. Let them reflect rainbows and pink clouds.

And if you feel you just want to lay down and cry, that’s alright too…






3 thoughts on “The girl I knew so well…

  1. Powerful!! That girl within…there to remind you that there is hope to shine again. At least, that’s how I see her. Sure, she may represent the critical, judgemental version that allowed someone to break you. But there has to be a way to make yourself whole again. There is always a reason to shine.

    I worry about you my friend, you don’t email anymore…. I pray that there will be a shining light that will soon guide you from the darkness. Believe in yourself, as I believe in you. You have struck me as such a strong woman….We are all guilty of believing in the fairy tale of what we think love and life should be. But, the reality can be different. We all must find that strength and courage to still see our potential. Remember, there are those who care….and there are those that want to help piece you back together. Healing hugs to you my friend!!! May the rays of light surround you today!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, my dear friend, your words are the rays of light I needed so much! The image of my “teenage self” came to me in a moment of prayers and meditation…along with the idea of forgiveness and liberation from all the ghosts (false expectations, judging all in black and white, images of dreams we never fulfilled). And, you know, if these ghosts wont go away…we may just as well make peace with them and integrate them in our mature self. It sounded very therapeutic at the moment 🙂
      I wrote you more about my “being okay” and the things that keep pulling me back…in a mail and while writing I realized once again how lucky I am to have you. And how I missed writing long mails to you, my healer-friend.
      Be blessed and thank you again!

      Liked by 1 person

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