He saw me watching…

And he knew right away that the image he tried so hard to create is falling into pieces. The fear in his heart, I could almost sense it…

No…I’m not a predator and he’s not my prey, even if…

Hello…Good afternoon…uhmmm…I was just…

I’m sorry that he’s scared, I’m not used to…It’s not a good feeling when you look into someone’s eyes and you see there…guilt, fear…shame?

-I wanted to say…I’m sorry. I’m very sorry for everything I said about your religion…I’m sorry for putting you in that horrible situation. I know you felt accused. I was wrong and, please, accept my apologies…

He speaks so fast, he’s running out of air. He’s chocking, his face is getting a purple color and his eyes are blurry. His life…he’s fighting for his life. Right there, in front of me. And if I don’t stop this, he’ll loose…

So I take his hands into mines.

-It’s alright. If I ever felt any kind of anger towards you…well, it was a burden much too heavy…so I let it go and replace it with forgiveness…

-So, you wont…

-I’ll tell you what I saw. A good man, in a moment of weakness. A man searching for love in the wrong place. A man who’s dying to save himself from…you’re the only one who can answer to this.

He’s trembling and the purple on his face was replaced by a pale shadow.

-I will confess it…I will go in front of them and I will…I just need time. I will go home now to prepare…

He wont. He wont make it back home, I can see it in his eyes. I have to fight this battle…

-We all make mistakes. I’m not perfect, you know? A few months ago, I almost ran away with a stranger, leaving everything behind. I’m still unable to forgive myself. I’m still falling…I still…

I’m fighting my own tears and I wish he would hug me now. Not him…anyone…But he takes a step behind.

-So you cheated your husband…that’s really serious and you know, it speaks tones about your relationship with God. Because it’s not a moment of weakness, what you did was planned and deliberated. And a fake christian is worse than a non-believer. I’m sickened by you…

He seems victorious even if he jumped to the wrong conclusions. It will help him sleep well tonight. It will allow him to look in the mirror in the morning. It will keep him alive.

I turn my back to him. For ever…

-Don’t…forgive me for what I just said. You’re welcomed in our community if you ever decide to repent and to…

And I simply leave. I will be the subject of his Sunday sermon. My smile is bitter, my heart feels heavy. He’ll survive, but what about his soul?

How many sharpened knives will tear apart our fragile consciousness?

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6 thoughts on “So you can sharpen your knife…

  1. I see and feel such strength in this post my friend. Strength that wasn’t there before. With strength, courage, and truth…the road to healing truly does begin. There will be those who condemn us as soon as the truth is spoken from our lips, but that is their own burden to bear! It matters not if they are family, friends, or religious leaders…condemnation is not THEIRS to proclaim. We are all only human, and humans are allowed to make mistakes. Even in God’s eyes…if we only ask HIS forgiveness, then that is all that matters. At least that was the way I was taught. I hold you in my prayers daily that you continue to find your path to the healing of your soul, and your life. Regardless of our profession, possibly our purpose to be healers of others…we all deserve the right to heal ourselves simultaneously! Amazing post dear Claudia!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you my amazing Sharon! You saw the essence again…there will always be someone to judge, to criticize, to put us down, to use our moments of honesty in their desire to destroy…Light attracts both light and darkness. A lesson I learned the hard way…And I keep learning to trust and to open my heart without fear. To help without judging. To simply be there…Thank you for your good heart, a model and an inspiration…it has a lot to do with this strength I’m discovering inside me.
      Blessings and warm hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, you brought a big smile to my face! And I’m honored and humbled…I never saw myself as a writer, I wish I were that talented ☺. You know, I love your stories too! You have a gift of bringing your readers closer, like we were right there, with you, sipping from a cup of tea while sharing our stories…And that’s a real blessing!

      Liked by 1 person

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