From the little fish bowl, the golden fish looks straight into the gates. Are they the gates to Heaven? The clear blue and the pure white…exactly the description he knew from the ancestors stories. He wants to follow the right path. The one that leads to the gates…

The gold fish knows he’s too small and his fins are not the big wings he always dreamed to have. He knows his weakness and his fears. He believes…it’s because of him, because of his lack of faith…that the gates are getting further and further…

And so many others tried…he heard about their triumph. He’s jealous and anxious and blames this little heart (“Infamous heart!”) he was given! He wants to jump. “Your faith requires sacrifice!” Yes…he will! He goes up, he takes what’s left of his courage and…falls again. Oh no, the gates are fading…Don’t…his nostrils sensed the perfume and his mouth tasted the wondrous air. He was so close. He goes down…he wants nothing now. Sad and lost, he discovers that a wounded pride can kill…

And just when he’s giving up, just when he dies inside once again…the gates comes closer. So close, he can almost touch them. But the bowl…oh, this golden cage! Oh, how it hurts when he tries to break it! It is unbreakable, he’ll never break the wall…There’s only one way…

Will he follow the ancestors path? Will he sacrifice it all just to feel…one more time…one last time…the wondrous air and its perfume in his nostrils? His little heart doesn’t know the answers. But this love is beyond judgement…His soul belongs to the blue gates. So…what choice does he really has?

Hey, look at this little fellow. What is he trying to do? Jumping out of his bowl! Crazy little fish…First he tried to break it and now he jumps out. Like he would have wings to fly…What an infamous way to die! Okay, gotta go.

The blue gates disappeared  and all that’s left is a little gold fish fighting for air. Fighting for a love he’ll never have. Never again.

Because the blue gates are always getting further, taking away the arms that held me and the smile that kept me warm. My love…how will I live without your blue eyes? Come back soon…

Because, in our little worlds, behind the walls of our hearts, we, little golden fishes…we simply can’t breath in the salty water of our tears…

 

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5 thoughts on “Infamous

  1. Oh my friend….. I read your mail, and had to come find the blog first….This is awesome! I so often feel like that little golden fish….trapped inside the fish bowl of life. I want to reach out for those gates, but my walls are so high that the journey terrifies me. I pray that I can find the courage to do whatever is necessary….even if it leads to failure. Then I will have at least tried. Living in a sea of our salty tears is reminding me that we must move beyond the depression and anxiety that also keeps us so trapped! We deserve so much more than that. What an amazing post, I am sure it will relate to different people in different ways!! Warmest hugs to you sweet friend!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you with all my heart and soul! I wrote it and then I read and the idea that resonated with me was the sacrifices we make in the name of our ideals…it’s important, I think, that those ideals would be worthy of our sacrifice. Yours certainly are…and, with every struggle, every step back, you’re making your dream come true. Thank you for seeing the deepest meanings in my writings, you are wonderful!
      Warm hugs and many blessings!

      Liked by 1 person

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