rain

I can’t remember for how long…it seemed like an eternity…I just stood there, on the cold, wet bench in the park, with leafs and cold rain drops falling over me…Dark sky above me, dark thoughts inside…

I know that children get sick and catching a flu is natural in this cold weather…and I know that a house can get messy, things all around…and I know they need me…but…Lord…I’m tired, didn’t get much sleep, haven’t got the time to eat…and I turned to him for comfort…and…once again…he’s tired and frustrated too…I just need to feel loved…just a little bit…

I don’t know how did he find me there, since the bench was pretty isolated…and I can’t explain this joy I’m feeling inside when I see him…

-Christian!

-Hey…you forgot your umbrella again? Here, take mine…you’re frozen! Come on, let’s go somewhere nice and warm…

I need fresh air…just for a minute…

He’s putting his arms around me and all I can do is to close my eyes and pray this is more than a dream. I feel his fingers through my hair…

-What’s that? Oh, I hope I didn’t break it…

My silver necklace…St. Benedict medal..I always wear it in my moments of dark…just a reminder that someone, somewhere…still loves me…

-That’s my…

-This is a Saint Benedict medal! Why on earth are you wearing such thing? You know, there’s a thin line between…are you aware of the significance of this?

Saint Benedict medal is a symbol of the fight against evil. People also wear this medal sometimes when they’re praying for an easy, painless way of dying. Still, the power is NOT in the medal itself, but in the faith and love we’re carrying in our souls.

-And why is this bothering you?

-Because you deserve more than this blind faith in something that never answered, never proved to be real!

And I can’t take it anymore…

-Let’s make things clear, Christian! Tolerance is a two ways street. Don’t think I didn’t noticed how you never miss a chance to say a bad word…and don’t think I didn’t noticed that tattoo of yours, with the black sun! Yes, I did! Next time you attack my faith, be prepared to defend yours!

-Okay.

And he walks away.

Abandoned and alone, here I am, in the cold November rain, still refusing to cry, still not able to go home, still willing to believe…

It felt like forever…

The smell of something sweet and his warm touch.

-I brought you…this.

A chocolate cookie…

-I bought it from the bakery across the street…I don’t know if you like it…

-It’s perfect…thank you. And forgive me…

-I kicked myself for talking like that to you…is just that…

No, it’s my fault and only! I sounded so arrogant and superior like I’m some kind of preacher when I’m just a lost soul…filled with doubts and fears…And I’m so thankful, so grateful to have you in my life…

-Please let me say it…One day I’ll be thankful too. I will believe too. But for now, I need this anger, I need this rage…to keep myself alive. This is my way of surviving.

Tears are running down my cheeks.

I guess you’re smarter than me…my way of surviving was always Love. Look where it brought me…

He takes me in his arms.

Love is a two ways street too, just like tolerance. I need you…but you need to go home…And one day, when all this rage will be just a wild memory…I will be thankful too. 

 

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6 thoughts on “One day I’ll be thankful too…

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