I’m here to give it all to you…
My love and my heart. My life and my destiny. My world and my everything. Every hope, every lost dream, every whispered prayer. Every tear.
Every fantasy of a world full of bright colors. And my everlasting desire for peace. My powers and my strength, along with every lost battle. All yours.
Because I am yours.
Here I am, putting my heart in your hands. You are my safe place. You, who took me into your loving arms when all the walls were tumbling down. You, who took my hand and guided me back home when I got lost. You, who loved the lost, vulnerable, crazy me!
And me…I shouted out so loud! Poisoned words, words of hate, words of anger. Rejection. Frustration. Denial. Pain. You heard them all and you stayed with me. You let me run away and still take me back, every single time.
I fell on my knees, begging for forgiveness and you smiled. You lifted me up, showing me the blue sky. Telling me how much you love me. How deep is your forgiveness and your understanding.
I love You.
And I need to tell you something, because it made me cry. You told me to bring you all my tears and pains. So, here is my story…
…The class was almost over when I met him. The little boy with grey eyes and the desert’s sand color in his hair. He looked at me smiling and I felt a cold shiver.
He never smiles. Rarely speaks. Autism, they said…but there’s more. Much more. His smile was mean and he got closer, whispering through his teeth:
“He’s coming after you.”
In a complete lack of tact and inspiration, I just asked who…who’s coming after me…
“Your master. You know him. He’ll take you away. No one can help you.”
And he just ran with the meanest laugh I ever heard…
I was afraid and I shouldn’t have been. I was driven by fear too many times. I’m turning to you now…
It destroyed too many Christmas Eves. I let it take control over me completely and yes, it took me away. Year after year. And no one could help me because there, where I was, no love can survive.
I let it become my master and it played with my soul. I was alone, feeling unloved, unwanted, unsafe.
But here I am now, my Lord, my Christ, my Light…
This is the first year when I’m winning this war. Your love is my shelter.
And this is my prayer…not for me…but for so many people who struggle with an emptiness inside during Christmas time.
Depression was my master until You saved me. Please shine Your Light upon every blue heart, all around the world.
May they feel loved. And may they be free…
Merry Christmas, dear friends!