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“-I just need you to close your eyes for one second and to imagine…

A world without lies. Starting with the greatest lie of all. Free will. An illusion made to make you feel guilty when, in fact, you have no control at all. Don’t say a word, just imagine…

A world without punishments. No ten commands, nothing to cast a shadow on your joy. Yes, you heard it right. The joy of life. When was the last time you felt it? And where? Between two decades of your Rosary? Or maybe while imploring your God to save someone you love? Don’t answer, just imagine…

A world without worshiping. You are in the center of this world. The perfect you. You, who were meant to rule the Earth, but someone decided different. You could be just as strong, just as powerful, just as bright. Your one and only goddess. Yourself. Tell me now, how do you feel about it?”

I opened my eyes and saw his smile. Then I hugged him a little longer, a little tighter, a little warmer. He took my hands.

“-So, this means YES?”

“This means goodbye.”

And I turned away, knowing for sure that I’ve made the right choice. And the falling tears are just because my heart wandered in places it shouldn’t have. I can’t save the world, I can’t save him and sometimes I’m even unable to save myself.

“-Why?”

I could defend my faith in thousand words and it would still mean nothing to him. I could talk about God and light and love until forever and a day, and it would still not change his choices. I could…

“-Why are you crying if you’re in peace? Why are you walking away when we both know you want to stay? Why are you such a damn hypocrite!?”

He pulled me closer and I know he can see my tears. I’m gently touching his face and, for the first time, I see the wildness in his eyes. I wish I could say the words…

“I cry because I love the light in you and I’m seeing it fading away. It’s my fault, that’s how I feel. My faith was too weak or maybe my ego blinded me. It was so nice to be the center of your world, it was like an addiction and I took it too far. I lost you and I was close to losing myself. And I cry because…I was tempted. I was on the edge. Our friendship was supposed to save you and, instead, it leaded me to the abyss…”

But no words come out of my lips and my heart stays quiet.

“-I hate your God! Your Jesus! Your Rosary! Your church! Your faith!”

“It’s okay, I will love Him a little more. Because He loves YOU far more than I ever will.”

I whisper “Goodbye, Christian” as I close the door behind me. I hear him screaming in agony “I love you! I desperately love you!”.

And we both know it’s a lie…

 

 

 

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8 thoughts on “May in the face of hate our love grow strong!

    1. Be blessed! Your words could’t have come at a better moment…I was feeling down, just like in those days when nothing works (not even writing). Then I read your message and it was exactly what I needed. Thank you, Roger! And I hope you know I’ll always be here for you too, no matter the paths that God choses for us. May light and love shine on your way, my wonderful friend!

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      1. How amazing that I needed to hear your words just as much as you needed mine. I’m really struggling and have had enough … but I’ll hold on knowing that your thoughts and prayers are with me.

        Liked by 1 person

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