Inappropriate, inadequate and immoral. Those were my thoughts when I saw him laughing and joking at the funeral. Of course I didn’t said anything, neither did the others, it would have been so impolite. I know, yes, I know…laughing in front of a tragedy is a defensive mechanism. Even so…
And it’s a tragedy when a young man dies, leaving behind a beautiful wife, a child, parents, grandparents and so many friends. He wasn’t a friend of mine, I didn’t even knew him, but my husband did. That’s why I’m here. Surrounded by grieving people and this man that laughs of anything…
It’s my party so I’ll laugh if I want to…
He’s singing now, looking straight at me, no doubt about it. I’m cold, I’m tired, I’m sad…and a stranger is singing to me in front of a crowd.
He’s touching my hair and that’s too much.
I don’t think I know you.
-Oh really? You don’t think you know me! Well, you don’t. Let’s keep it this way, shall we?
Too late. Hey, do you know the wife? Isn’t she a hottie?
-Please show some respect. She’s grieving…
She’ll live and she’ll love again. So will you.
He’s taking my hand and I go with him, like hypnotized. Away from the crying people. Away from the pain and loss. He looks deep into my eyes and I feel he knows my deepest thoughts.
You will live and love again. If you only allow yourself to get out of this tomb. If only you stop analyzing everything in terms of “mistakes”.
Just think about…
“It is a mistake that he’s laughing and making jokes at a funeral.”
“It is a mistake that he’s singing in front of the crying people.”
“Oh, what a mistake, to call the grieving wife…a hottie!”
“It’s a mistake that I’m so restless and I keep searching for love in all the wrong places.”
“Wait…isn’t it a mistake that I’m talking to this guy?”
A million mistakes and not a single ray of light! Not a single word of love! Phew, what a shame!
I want to shout at him and I want to cry…I want to ask him how does he know about me? What kind of a creature of darkness has told him my most secret doubts?
Darkness is when you repress the light inside you. When you chose not to share it, not to let it shine. That’s darkness, that’s evil…
I think I see regret in his eyes. A sweet nostalgia, like longing for something he’ll never have. Or is it me? Is it my heart the one that longs for an old forgotten love?
Unaware of her light, she builds prisons, higher and stronger, to imprison her heart…When will you change the story?
He smiles at me, waving goodbye.
And, for the first time, I cry at his funeral.