He asked me “How’s life?” like we would be best buddies, like our paths would have never separate, like he wouldn’t know a thing about the abyss he pushed me into.
So I did what I know best: I smiled and kept my head up.
“Life’s good, like any life. Good days and bad days. Busy days mostly.”
A woman is strong by nature. Weakness, fragility, vulnerability and teary eyes…they’re out of my league. So he is. And the only regret concerns my broken illusions.
“Are you okay?” he said, but I sense no worries in his tone of voice.
“Of course I’m okay, thank you for asking. How about you?”
“I’m good, thanks.”
He’s not good, even if, for a long time, I believed in him. I thought I see a light surrounding him, like he would be an angel. I even imagined that, somehow, God speaks to me through his voice. He’s not a good person, I’m not a good reader.
He has no idea about love, I have no clue about people. End of story.
But life…oh, I know about life.
Life after love is bitter-sweet. Is a constant battle between a normal feeling of anger/pain/rejection/sadness and the joyful contemplation of a feeling so beautiful, so special and pure: love.
And love was there, in my soul, by the grace of God, not by the mercy of a man. I loved him because my heart was ready to blossom, not because of his poisoned poetry.
I loved him because I needed to love. I felt beautiful, I felt complete, my faith grew stronger and my wings reached to the starry sky. My only mistake was to believe that all these miracle were because of him. So when he took away his attention/poetry/lies I was so lost…
So lonely, so sad…(I called Heaven many times, asking about my “angel”)
But now, seeing him in front of me, I feel no pain. I guess I finally understood.
“Life after love is pretty good.”
“Excuse me?” (oh yes, let’s play pretend, let’s say you don’t understand my English)
“Well…you’ll never know, ’till you’ll try it.”
“Love, of course. So you’d know how life feels after…”
“I can’t take this anymore.”
“Ohhh, I’m sorry, I forgot! You’re only a shadow. You don’t have life because you cannot feel love. Well, then…”
Feel free to vanish!