e873e8ec2912c1db31d8311311a17b3a-d4p3kao“I don’t remember how I got here, the paths I took, the dangers I ignored, the demons I fought…but here I am. To tell you how wrong I was, to hope and pray you’ll listen to the words that sound like damnation…”

The little church was dark and small, hidden deep in the heart of the forest and my knees were hurting, my heart was aching and the regrets were burning inside me.

“I feel I don’t have time and I need it…because I still have love and I still feel life. I’m here, on bended knees…to ask for one more day. I’m not ready, Lord!”

And that’s all I’m able to say before falling. The pain in my heart becomes unbearable, my knees are shaking so badly, it’s cold, it’s dark, it’s….

…a demon or a ghost…a spirit caught between worlds or just…

…him. This touch on my shoulders and the way he’s taking me in his arms. The dark flames in his eyes. And me…I don’t know how I got here, I don’t know who I am anymore…all I know is that I cannot breath without him. Christian…

Don’t cry, don’t…It will be alright. A long life is waiting ahead and not any life. A life of love, a wonder after another. New places…the world! All yours. Say you want it, that’s all it takes!

“I do…”

Come with me. I’ll give you everything you ever dreamed of!

“Love…”

And freedom. And beauty and fun. An easy life, away from the coldness of this church. A life in the sun, discovering the most amazing places of this earth. 

My knees still hurt and I feel like falling asleep.

Stay with me…you’ll never have to kneel again. You’ll never beg for forgiveness, you’ll never cry desperate tears of pain and loneliness. You will be gone for them, forever gone…

“How…if I love them? If I want them with me always…How will I ever be happy without my family?”

I will be your family, you’ll be so loved that you’ll forget all about the past. They’ll forget you…people disappear all the time, for how long do you think they’ll search for you? One year?

“One lifetime. Then another one…”

Silly girl…they’ll cry a few days, mourn another few days. They’ll pray for about a week, they’ll be sad for about a month. One year they’ll remember you through holidays. Then nothing.

His words cut like a knife.

“You don’t love me, Christian. If you would, you’d know how much you’re hurting me.”

He looks down.,

This is my way of loving you. This is how I’m protecting you. Why do you think you’re here? You cannot remember how you got here, so how will you go back home? Completely helpless, defenseless and lost. Will you fight your own heart?

“I will make the right choice.”

And I wake up in tears.

…knowing now, for sure, that he never truly left, I never really let him go…

…wrong place, wrong time, wrong actors. No second chances, no other life to right the wrong. So, even if it hurts, here I am, on bended knees…

…searching for my way out of the darkness. And making the right choices.

 

 

 

All credits for the image to https://foreverdream313.deviantart.com/art/The-Fire-in-Your-Eyes-284021376

 

 

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8 thoughts on “So here I am, on bended knees

  1. What a vivid piece….. I felt every word my friend. I pray that there is peace behind those tear stained eyes. You deserve love, and peace, and happiness. We all do….and it is within your reach…. I believe in you and your journey. Hold your head high.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you with all my heart! ❤️ Inner peace is more than a destination, it’s a journey itself and I’m trying so hard to keep myself on the right path. I know you understand the feeling…Be blessed, my dearest friend!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Lord has given me so much, more than I deserve. He gave me your friendship and, knowing you’re a part of my life, I feel my prayers are answered. Thank you, my dearest Roger!

      Like

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