kiss_you_hard_in_the_pouring_rain_by_kris_kamikakushi-d8j79ttI was walking barefoot, tired and weary, when the skies turned black. It wasn’t unusual to me, it wasn’t strange or frightening. It was my world, my life with the desperation within. I was walking empty and broken when I found him.

He was waving a black flag, a symbol of a war he was longing to win, for he was battling the same angry winds that smashed our spirits to the ground. For an eternity, or so it seemed back then. He was walking in tears of anger when he saw me.

I ran to him like he would be my long lost friend, my prince or my savior. I convinced myself that all my stories are real and I was going to convince him that I’m his fairy. Selfish and naive, I was building a novel around this fantasy of mine. I ran to him like a homeless child searching for a shelter.

He opened his arms and almost smiled. A clear sign of a conqueror, even if the victory was bitter-sweet for him. After all, what kind of joy would bring such an easy prey? Nothing precious, no diamond hidden in a stone, just a broken heart with an uncommon desire to surrender. He opened his arms, but the gates to his heart stayed closed and sealed.

I cried when he first kissed me, and the light in me brightened the black skies. I let it all out, in a hopeless attempt to heal his blindness. But the torment and the pain were still there, no matter how tight I was holding to love! I blamed myself for the loneliness I felt in his arms. I cried when he kissed me, knowing it would be our last kiss.

He called me his princess, just like I always dreamed. He believed my stories and he pronounced the perfect words. And, as my heart was melting in his palms, he took my hand, taking me to a place he called home. He had a certain sadness in his eyes, as he walked me in, through the golden gates. He called me princess, so my cell would be paved with gold.

I searched for the black skies, but all I could see were the thick walls surrounding my golden cage. Locked with no chance to ever escape, to ever walk barefoot by the sea, I started to dream of storms and raging waves, to wash away this devastation inside. Imprisoned without a judgement, without a crime, I broke every vow and torn my innocence apart. I searched for the black skies and begged for an ending to this life sentence.

He admired the golden cage, for it was his creation. Years of anger and bitterness made it even shinier. His efforts were not in vain, for the view was spectacular! A free show, what a shame that the world couldn’t see it! How often can you see a heart breaking in pieces in front of you? How perfect is the soul the gives itself to the flames, just for one short glance at the deep blue in your eyes? He admired the golden cage and decided that the game is boring and dull, but we’ll play it anyway.

I fell on my knees, asking for one thing. One and only. The key.

He offered me his heart instead. 

 

 

I found the image at: https://www.deviantart.com/kris-kamikakushi/art/kiss-you-hard-in-the-pouring-rain-515981441

The title is inspired by one of my favorites songs: Scorpions, “Believe in love” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4WArSKK9go

 

 

 

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14 thoughts on “Do you want me on my knees?

  1. To fall to our knees during the darkest of times….is often our way of surrendering to the darkness. Being led by false hopes to golden days and brighter times. We often think that if we can be the healer for others, then our own storms will pass, but that often doesn’t happen like that. We give so much of ourselves, often to those who only want to use and manipulate that generosity. Our darkness and despair return with greater strength and intensity. I think of you every day my friend, praying that you find peace within your life….that golden cage truly can be a prison, I understand…..and I pray that you find that key to escape what you are dealing with. Know that my heart aches for what you deal with my dear friend.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I seem to always interpret your words to the deepest of meanings my friend…. I think that is because our lives run so parallel… Peace is there my friend…. And you are right, sometimes…it does take that tornado to uproot everything and then drop it back into place the way it needs to be!!! Warmest hugs and most sincere blessings to you!

        Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for reading! The post is related to a personal experience. Memories from long ago, 15 years ago…writing about them is my way to set myself free. Marriage was a golden cage and we both had to grow in faith and love, to re-define love in terms of freedom and honesty. We’re still working on that, still falling in golden cages (pride, ego, selfishness) both him and myself.
      Sorry for the long message, needed to make things clear. Have a great day!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Simply beautiful, Claudia. It’s always a pleasure reading from you.

    Did she intentionally refuse to see the challenges in her quest for love? Could his heart actually be the key to her happiness? Did his heart soften as she knelt down? No doubt he loves her so much. Ahh! So many sides to this tale, and it reflects the realities of our times, especially with romantic relationships among other things, as we try to understand each other in our quest to build a sustainable and fulfilling relationship.

    Thanks for sharing this beautiful post. Do have a blessed relationship my dear friend.🌷

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for seeing the deep, hidden meanings…He gave her his heart, but it was too late, for all she wanted now was her freedom. All she dreamed was to run bare foot away, far away from any golden cages. If love was the price, I can only wonder if this love was true. Yes, she gained her freedom! Yes, he still plays the conqueror role in this sad scenario…
      Thank you for every kind word, it means more than I can say! ❤️❤️❤️

      Liked by 1 person

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