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They saw me naked and I felt no shame! It happened when my wounds were completely healed, so I felt brave and desperate at the same time. Who am I without my scars? Too lucid for the deep hours of the night, too dreamy to face the morning!

Dear God, my crazy heart knew exactly what it’s doing! I couldn’t lie, pretending it’s just one of those dreams, for my eyes were wide awake, shining with excitement! The moment was right, I was glowing in the dark, and they saw it all…

I whispered no words, no sounds of protest, while, shamelessly naked, I raised my head, knowing deep inside me that I can be anything I pretend to be! Beautiful and wild, free and innocent, loved…Yes, they applauded my new found courage and asked for more.

They saw me, my Lord, they saw it all and I liked it! I smiled while my bare shoulders felt no more weight, no more burden! I played with my hair and I walked graciously towards them, maybe too close, for I felt their cold breath beneath me…

That’s when my smile turned to tears and I tried to cover my nakedness! They remained silent while I crumbled on my knees, begging the sky to fall upon me, to dress me up in stars and gentle rain…I asked for a thunderstorm, to wipe away the memory of this painful moment…

…when I was naked, and they saw every little part of me!

Forgive me, Father, this was meant for him. For his eyes to truly see me. It was supposed to touch him somehow…My naked soul, glowing in the moonlight, my bare shoulders aching for his arms, to relieve this loneliness inside. And I was wrong, while being beautiful and innocent, wild and free!

It hurts, dear God…I may never be like this…

I was naked tonight and they saw me! The cold walls, thick and unbreakable, they saw it all! And you know what’s the saddest part?

…they were the only ones.

 

*If you want to read the first part, here is where you can find it: https://betweenthelines2017blog.wordpress.com/2019/04/13/confession/

Photo from my personal collection.

 

29 thoughts on “Confession (2)

  1. Often we feel so emotionally exposed that it does rival being naked before them. And the one that we long to show- is completely blind. The knife that sinks into our souls then reveals our nakedness to the entire world. I feel the shame and awkwardness of standing before them as well. What I am trying to teach myself- there should be no shame in exposing ourselves emotionally. It is not a sign of weakness!! We all deserve to be seen- and valued! It might not always be by the one that we truly want to notice though. But- always know that the shame must pass. We are beautiful souls- each and every human being. And we should never be made to feel so inferior to others. May you find strength in your exposure my friend!! Your bravery has inspired me more than you will ever know!! Please believe that you are forever worthy of so much more in this life. I’m not implying that leaving the life you know is the answer…. that’s not it at all. But, rather to find your inner strength to stand tall where you are! Much love to you always my sweet friend!!

    Liked by 5 people

    1. You said it so beautifully, thank you, dearest friend! Your message gave me hope, it touched my heart in so many ways…Thank you! You are a true blessing in my life! Lots of love and happinesses to you, especially today! Happy Birthday, my wonderful Sharon! 💐💕

      Liked by 4 people

    1. I’m honored and very grateful to be nominated by you – a writer I admire so much! I stopped doing the awards a while ago, but I want to thank you with all my heart for thinking of me! 🙏❤️

      Liked by 2 people

      1. What, really? Thank you for saying so. ☺
        You’re quite welcome. I suspected you didn’t; But you are one whose posts I always look forward to, who somehow manages to reveal darkness and sunshine at the same time; I figure you deserved a tag.

        Liked by 3 people

  2. Sometimes, in a dream, you will suddenly become naked and you will feel ashamed. Usually, it is in a nightmare. I have often displayed my own nakedness in my writings, scars and all, but not too many people feel that I should be ashamed of it. It is like Roger said, I’ve hidden my feelings from others in the past, so they wouldn’t get to know my real self, but now I think most people don’t care about all that anymore. So we can just be ourselves, without fear, without doubt.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Your writings are the expression of your courage and honesty, an inspiration to me and to so many others. You should never be ashamed when your heart writes naked truths…people need this courage, either they know it or not. Thank you…your words gave me something so precious, so many times: hope, enlightenment, inner strength…Thank you!

      Liked by 2 people

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