I never finish a book before starting another, so my book shelter is filled with stories that never truly end, characters that never truly find salvation, damnation, or even a purpose…So is my life.
The main characters in my book of life always seemed to stay at a safe distance. Emotionally unavailable, depressed, stressed to the limit, conflicted or sick, they couldn’t respond to my pleads for love and attention. Often enough to wonder where do I stand in this game of avoidance.
For such long time, I thought that life has given me the perfect spot, in the light. My appearance was kind, sweet, innocent and generous, so like an angel! I fought so hard to keep it and I had to fall deep into the abyss of depression, just to say it out loud.
I resign, I’m no angel, not anymore!
Not in this time of trouble, when a hug is more precious than diamonds.
Not here, in a world that builds its standards through virtual happiness.
Not with my loved ones, who need to know that perfection can lead to suicide!
I don’t want to be an angel…
Because angels fly, too soon and too often, and I just want to be here…with the emotionally unavailable ones, perfect in their imperfection, simply because they’re my family. I will annoy them, I will disturb them, I will be a burden sometimes…I will demand what’s mine: their love.
But I wont fly away, not until I’m destined to.
I never finish a book before starting another, not because I’m bored, not because I need a new distraction. I just can’t say goodbye to my favorite characters…