I never finish a book before starting another, so my book shelter is filled with stories that never truly end, characters that never truly find salvation, damnation, or even a purpose…So is my life.

The main characters in my book of life always seemed to stay at a safe distance. Emotionally unavailable, depressed, stressed to the limit, conflicted or sick, they couldn’t respond to my pleads for love and attention. Often enough to wonder where do I stand in this game of avoidance.

For such long time, I thought that life has given me the perfect spot, in the light. My appearance was kind, sweet, innocent and generous, so like an angel! I fought so hard to keep it and I had to fall deep into the abyss of depression, just to say it out loud.

I resign, I’m no angel, not anymore!

Not in this time of trouble, when a hug is more precious than diamonds.

Not here, in a world that builds its standards through virtual happiness.

Not with my loved ones, who need to know that perfection can lead to suicide!

I don’t want to be an angel…

Because angels fly, too soon and too often, and I just want to be here…with the emotionally unavailable ones, perfect in their imperfection, simply because they’re my family. I will annoy them, I will disturb them, I will be a burden sometimes…I will demand what’s mine: their love.

But I wont fly away, not until I’m destined to.

I never finish a book before starting another, not because I’m bored, not because I need a new distraction. I just can’t say goodbye to my favorite characters…

15 thoughts on “No time to fly…

  1. What if you’d write continuations so wouldn’t need to say goodbye? The word has slipped me. I’ll probably remember it when I go to bed. Or I’ll forget all about it.
    Love, light and glitter

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I agree!! I feel the same way about books. I also love that line, hugs are more precious than diamonds right now. I am a huge people person, liver of humanity. This time separated from others say for my partner is really hard on me. I ask him to hug me more than he probably wants to. I also work in a hotel managing a boutique, I see loads of people and have close bonds with many of them. I miss their smiles and hugs so much!!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I learned to see the smiles in people’s eyes, behind the protective mask and plastic shield, that’s how much I miss the real, natural connection. Small conversations, a smile from the heart, giving directions to the lost tourists, helping an old lady cross the street…I took them for granted and never imagined that one day…well, this too shall pass, we have to trust God! Many hugs and blessings to you, my amazing friend!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. What a truly moving piece my friend. I feel the pain in your written words…and pray that you find healing. I know, the depression can be so overwhelming at times…that it feels as though you can’t breathe. But, you have greater strength within you. You will get through the storm. Warmest hugs always…. Sharon

    Liked by 2 people

    1. My wonderful friend, thank you so much! You inspired me to write again, to get out of this shell I created, that, rather than protecting me, it kept me more alone and isolated than ever.
      Stay blessed, my dearest Sharon! 🤗😘♥️

      Liked by 1 person

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