If a writer falls in love with you…

penning-a-letter-by-george-goodwin-kilburneI see you crying. You do’t know it, but your tears are crystal clear drops of light, pure light and they bring you so close to me!

I see you looking in the mirror, searching for every little sign. That your swollen eyes are ugly and inexpressive, what a terrible lie! You don’t know it, but your eyes are open gates to a heavenly soul. Yours!

I see you struggling to create the magic on a blank page. You call it “the writer’s block”, I call it blindness. How I wish you could feel the magic inside you! Because you are simply amazing and your words are instruments of healing!

I see you dying a little more, every day. And you cannot see me…

Here I am, falling in love with your words.

Here I am, a tourist and a shadow in your world of emotions.

Here I am praying for you.

We’re writers and dreamers and we may never fit in (what they call) normality. Who cares? You and me, fulfilling old legends, we stay awake in each other’s dreams. We live for ever and a day in each other’s stories. We share memories of things that never happened. You and me. That’s the level of faith given unto our entwined souls!

I see you reading my words. Doubts and questions…Is it about me? you ask and the echo of your thoughts becomes the rhythm of my heart. Yes, it is about YOU.

I touch the cold screen of this old, broken laptop, just like you do. Right now. Close your eyes, let your fingers touch mine, from worlds apart. Do you feel me?

You are here now, with me, safe within my being. I’m keeping the memory of you-and-me, your tears and your struggle, even the words I never agreed to, I’m keeping them all, ’till the very last beating of my heart. And one beat away into the unknown…

Because you know…you became immortal…

…the day I fell in love with you.

 

Dear friends, I’m taking a short break from writing, since I’ll be travelling, for the next three weeks. I’ll still be here, reading and commenting, connecting in every way I can with every one of you. Falling in love with your words and praying for the lonely hearts out there. Thank you for not giving up on me!

Claudia

 

 

The source of the image: Penning a Letter by George Goodwin Kilburne

 

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To the bright side…

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Her kingdom has beautiful, tenebrous abysses, where castles’s walls, black and strong, are willing to keep her nightmares safe. And she climbed the spiral staircase so many times that she knows by heart every rusty corner of her memories.

She’s rushing into the same path, holding her love like a sword, her faith like a shield, shouting into the four corners of the darkness until, on the open wings of the wild wind, her voice is carried further into the unknown.

“I love you” is a declaration of war. What demon could resist it? What creature of the night would deny her thirst for blood and tears, hurt and misery? They all come, they all fight, they all fall. She’s left with scars that she admires, late in the deep, lonely night. Her own.

Afraid of the light, the wolf inside her feeds his hunger with broken promises and frustration. His howling speaks of desperate attempts to reach to the other side. But tears cut like knives so she’s laughing a cruel, angry laugh and she’s dancing a wild, chaotic dance, barefoot and broken in the flames of agony.

Well, one day…

When everything became too much.

And everywhere she looked, she only saw ruins.

When everyone had better things to do than to praise her martyrdom.

That day, the wolf inside got weaker and light grew stronger.

She redefined love in terms of tenderness and care, sweet emotions and joyful tears. She stopped teasing demons and learned to use her wings. She ran to the opposite direction!

Straight into the light!

Simply because…the boy with bright eyes belongs to the bright side of her kingdom. That’s where she lives now. I know you can see her…

Because that’s where you belong too…

 

 

 

I found the image at: https://www.etsy.com/sg-en/listing/258326089/cherokee-legend-two-wolves-quote-used-in

 

So hold me like we’re more than friends…

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Lovers have a secret way of living, like their sunsets are sweet and darkness is only an interlude to a brighter day. I’ve seen it in movies, then I cried because I noticed it in your eyes, when you were dreaming away…

But we were never lovers, so how would I know?

Friends have a special way of carrying the weight of the world, for each other, when the burden of their imaginary crosses is too hard to bear. Then they laugh and say childlike things like it’s only normal to care so much…

But you said we’ll never be friends, so what should I feel?

Two strangers caught by the storm, forced to share a shelter, they may touch each other’s hands in the deep dark night, but they’ll never talk about it in the morning. Still, they’ll never take this touch for granted and that’s what saves them…

Still, I never found the right shelter, nor the perfect storm, so how could I touch you?

You say nothing and, normally, I wouldn’t disturb this silence between us, but, today, politeness felt so cold on your lips, it froze my senses and sealed all the promises I’m foolishly making to myself, every cold night. See, stranger, sometimes I don’t even know where to start, how to continue, when to end…this madness we call love.

We’ll never be friends, so hold me like we’re more…

And, in the morning, I’ll let you play it cool, like you lost your memory. Along with your heart.

 

 

I found the image at: http://moziru.com/explore/Drawn

 

 

 

If I could make this moment endless…

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The sun in my eyes and the lazy wind through my hair…am I in Heaven? The green around me never smelled that fresh,  it rains with white butterflies and I swear this song is for me…hummingbirds singing love. The air has golden sparks and its gentle caresses speak a long forgotten language, that was there since eternity, but I never listened…until now.

I am alive and that’s all I need to know…to start dancing!

I can fly, higher than the birds, brighter than the stars, faithful like the angels of light!

I was given a heart full of love and a life full of dreams!

And a warning…don’t waste them, never again!

Stubborn like an old mule, proud like a colorful peacock, jealous and anxious, I never learned my lessons. And they were many…

The sweet ones…they came and made me smile, but inside me I was bitter!

The brave ones…they revealed my inner strength, but inside me I was shaking!

The loving ones…they filled my heart with light, but inside me I was empty!

So the rage and the fear, the desperation and the pain, the tears and the illusions, monsters, demons, ghosts, evil spirits and so much hurt…it was only natural for me to become a warrior. Just live…I heard the whisper and I prayed not to be too late…

The sun in my eyes and the lazy wind through my hair. And I am dancing and singing, repeating the words like an echo. I love you…That’s all I needed, to feel alive again.

Could this be Heaven? My eyes are embracing this light, my heart rejoice in this love. If there’s any shadow of doubt, if there are any tears, it’s only because…

You can blink now…he said.

You can even close your eyes and rest your weary heart.

Love will still be here.

For eternity.

 

 

 

Memories from the future

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One morning, our sky will be a thousand nuances happier…

With serenades of love and sweet butterfly kisses on your bright eyes…

I’ll embrace your weary heart and you’ll cry a rainbow of feelings,

That  morning when you’ll call me “angel”.

My brave soldier, trying to save what’s left of this castle…

That’s what you were, and you’ll always be,

Until that morning when I’ll take your hand to guide you

To the keeper of my sacred secret:

The walls are meant to fall down!

That morning when you’ll call me “love”.

And soon after you’ll rise above the ashes,

So briefly caught by the flickering lights of hope,

You’ll find the joy of breaking the chains of time!

You will grow wings from our precious moments,

That morning when you’ll call me “life”.

And these memories from future

Are your only mission, my love!

To make them real for you and me, my life!

I know the price and I’m not afraid, my angel!

To become a memory myself…

 

 

If I were a writer…

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If I were a dreamer, we would dance on the wings of butterflies, free and unbound, with synchronized steps and intertwined hearts…

If I were a lover, I would embrace your body and soul in sweet flames of passion, until you’d burn for me only…

If I were a painter, I would draw tears of joy on your face, an everlasting smile that only becomes brighter with the daylight…

And love, oh, my love…

This darkness would be sweet light!

If I knew poetry, my rhymes and rhythms would be pure echoes of heaven, repeating your name in every line…

If I knew magic, I would make you eternal and death would never tear us apart!

If I knew English…or Polish…or Chinese…or…Latvian…I would never waste my talent in silly words. I would spell it correctly. I love you! That’s how I would say it…

But love, oh, my love…

I only learned to say “I miss you…” in every language of this Universe…!

If I could dance slowly and tenderly for you…with you…then my body language would speak thousand words of love and desire, capturing your eyes and your soul in one embrace…

If I could believe in fairy-tales, like I used to, before…before the world became too real for me to dream about it…then I’d whisper sweet prayers in my lonely hours…and you would be here…

If I could fly, my darling…I would be your angel, yours only…and no fire of hell would ever touch you because our love would be sacred…

Only that…love, oh, my love…

I’m not even a writer…

But if I were…and if I knew…and if I could…

I would love you eternally! In poems, metaphors, rhymes and stories. In novels, fairy-tales, scripts and volumes. Using well written phrases, with a perfect grammar and a spectacular spelling.

Why do you smile?

Isn’t it a tragedy?

No? Is it miraculous?

That I am only…

The woman who loves you more than life itself.

The type of beauty I call Supreme…

v-sude-ulyukaevu-peredali-belye-rozy-ot-poklonnicy-106910Let me tell you the happiest story ever…

It started with a burning violin that kept playing its notes in and beyond death. We are more than flesh and bones so we need to love deeper. And this sweet song it’s still in my ears even if my every love note is burned and bruised.

You’re not powerless, he told me when my mourns reached the limits of faith and hope. My burning violin turned into ashes and my voice silenced by the dark smoke. We are more than shadows and our prayers are more than bitter pleads for life!

I was scared, so scared for both of us! When there’s no music, how will love grow? But my soul is more than a frail flower fading away in an endless void. So it’s worth fighting for! He promised to wait for me, even if it takes a lifetime. For me to find my way home.

And while I struggled, trembled, screamed and agonized in the flames of my burning violin, he took the ashes and buried them in sacred ground. And he just knelt and kissed the traces of my steps. But oh, in my blindness, I was still dancing wild dances, playing with words and destinies.

He forgave me for always crying and always lying. For running away and breaking walls, boundaries, bridges and hearts! For tearing pages and for scratching walls with bare hands, until my skin was bleeding and his voice was drowning in tears.

And there was never a storm so wild like the one in my heart! And I never truly learned how to dance through thunders and lightnings! Am I enough? Am I still beautiful? Am I yours? Will I ever be…

He was sad when he took my hand, leading me to the place where the ashes of my burning violin were peacefully resting. He was tired and lonely. He’s only human and this love was poison and venom. He was dying…

Is this what you’ve been searching?

And the white rose shined even brighter in my hands.

How? And why? And when…But he silenced my lips and sealed the secret for eternity.

While you were dancing your wild dances…

While you were shouting your helpless anger to the skies above…

While you broke walls and boundaries, hearts and bridges…

This flower grew from the ashes of your burning violin. And I was blessed to nurture it with my tears. For you, my love.

I knelt in front of the bright white rose. I kissed the sacred ground and the eyes that nurtured the tiny seed of hope. The eyes that gave away their light, just to find me in my darkness…I promised to heal his blindness, so he could finally see the power of this reborn song of life. The renewed promise needed a name…

I called it Beautiful. I called it Supreme. I called it LOVE.

 

 

The weakness in my faith…

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The yellowed eyes demon grinned with an undisguised superiority.

So illogical and so foolish, but I admit, it was funny! Now, seeing you crawling, really doesn’t humor me anymore. You are becoming boring and predictable. Your bravery is nothing but a pathetic attempt and your faith is nothing but a joke. LOL, as you, human creatures love to say.”

I could see myself, really clear, like from a mirror, but this image was so different from what I hoped it would be. Naked and ashamed, frightened and fearful, broken and frail. Searching desperately for a sign.

“Oh, are you looking for this?”

He pushed away my burning Bible, laughing cruelly at the sight of my bloody hands, trying to gather the broken pages.

“Ashes and smoke! And you thought this was your shelter! Your salvation! Is this how you’re going to fight me?”

I wasn’t going to answer. My mind was feverishly searching for the moment when I fell.

“Let me remind you. You came to me, holding your book like a sword, so proudly parading with your faith and your light and your love! LOL again! You were so easy, too easily to defeat. Look at you now, where is your shelter? Poor creature, created by an absent Creator!”

That’s when I understood. My choice was wrong from the very moment when I decided to be in control. My supremacy was nothing but a trap and I fell right in it. The hunter turned into a weak prey and that’s only because I forgot…

To ask for help…

To invoke His love and protection…

To see myself the way I truly am…

naked, broken and afraid.

The yellowed eyes demon raised his black sword upon me.

“If you only knew the power of your lowliness, you’d be brighter than the stars. You would be the one holding the sword of faith upon me.”

I closed my eyes, ready for a blow that never came.

“I’m not meant to break your wings, foolish human creature. Why would I, when you are so good on doing this for yourself! Even so, the lesson remains and the warning stays.”

See yourself for who you really are. 

Broken, naked, burned or beaten.

Frightened, fearful, hopeless or ashamed.

You are still beautiful because He sees you this way…

Thank you, Father, for always seeing the beauty in us, your beloved children.

 

 

Beyond the city lights

mirando-la-lunaWould you believe if I’d tell you that every rain drop carries a lost story? A tale about a long forgotten romance, just like ours? Always about us.

The city just turned its lights on, it’s raining with golden glitters.

A cruel reminder every night, in every light, in every window…that life goes on with or without you and me, in or out of pain, before or after our hurricanes.

Would you kiss my lips in the purring rain, knowing I have nothing left to give? Nothing but an everlasting longing for more…Always more, always you.

But you…you barely see the light that’s fading away in my eyes. A cruel reminder that we’re only passengers in each other’s lives.

Would you cry for me when the shadows are taking me away, so far away…and it’s not the life that I’ll be missing, but love…? Always alone, oblivious of the blessing in this curse.

One last secret escaped my dry heart…

There’s love beyond the city lights, but my wings will never be that strong and wide, so I’ll embrace him with my soul, giving myself to him in an eternity of tenderness.

The time is running short now, glitters and glows mean nothing under an unforgiving sky. There are blessings disguised into these abysses, there’s an eternal destination in every broken dream.

I have an empty page waiting for you. Imperfect but real. Make it complete.

So…if I’d tell you that I see and I know what future holds for us, beyond the city lights…

Would you believe me?

Please don’t.

 

 

The source of the image: http://wikimujer.com/mujer/actualidad/cuando-conviene-cortarte-el-cabello-quedar-embarazada-o-hacer-dieta-preguntale-a-la-luna-faseslunares.html

 

 

 

 

When there’s no one left to blame…

11Just hold me tight and forgive me. Please don’t tell me there’s nothing to forgive…I judged you in my mind. I offended you in thousand unspoken words. I called you unspeakable names. I am guilty.

Just talk to me softly and let me cry. Please don’t tell me I have no reasons to cry…I caused you pain, I broke your heart and left it bleeding. I rejected your pleads, I denied you my kindness. I am guilty.

Just take my hand in yours and say it’s alright. Please don’t ask me to believe, I know you’re lying…We’ll never be alright because I created a disaster. I accused you of unimaginable crimes. I played the jury and I pronounced the sentence.

I killed our love. I am guilty.

Silence is my punishment and I take it with dignity. See, I’m not crying! See, I’m not begging! See, I’m not dying!

But I miss you terribly…

And there are so many things in my world that you don’t know…

The grass is greener than ever, it smells so fresh and new. It’s silky when you touch it and the wind creates amazing songs through the yellow fields…

A little white butterfly landed on my fingers this morning. His wings barely touched my skin, but I saw it as a gift from heaven. Above me, there was a tear-shaped cloud. Birds were flying so free, in perfect harmony…

A baby boy hugged me today. He just came to me with open arms, smiling. It filled my soul with so much love! How I wish…

So many thing that remind me of us. The perfect ring…I saw it, it fitted perfectly on my finger. I was so sad to put it back and leave the store with an empty heart…

The book I found today was about us. A fiction story, different names, but it was all about us! He was exactly like you…I was like her, just that…she would never be guilty like me. I closed the book and I cried inside.

The radio is playing our songs on and on, I can’t stop it! And on the news, they spoke about things we used to talk about…And they were wrong, I only believe you, only you!

Please hold me tight and forgive me. I didn’t meant to break the silence. You know me, you know how childish and stubborn I can be, but it’s my pain that makes me cross the line. Forgive me.

And maybe, when there will be no one left to blame, I’ll be able to forgive myself too.

For now, I need to cast the blame and it wont be you, it cannot be you!

Because I love you.

So it’s me…

I am guilty.

 

 

The source of the picture: https://www.shutterstock.com/video/clip-6258740-stock-footage-girl-with-butterfly-close-up.html