The boy took off his mask, as he sat quietly on the edge of the roof, so I was able to take a closer look into his deep brown eyes. His fingers, still holding his mask, were trembling…I took the chance to hold his hand, just like I was already holding his heart – oh, little struggling bird – why do we always chose distance from closeness? Anger from vulnerability…
The boy was sad enough to be honest. The demon mask wasn’t going to protect him, not when loneliness settles in, still, he wouldn’t let it go. His darkness was made of fear, so how do I break the walls without breaking his heart? The answer came quickly, simple and wise.
“Show me the place where you met The Shadow. I need to see it.”
This took me by surprise. Oh, what a foolish thought, to believe I’m in control. Is it my own vulnerability the only guarantee he needs? Will it make him feel safe enough to try…to be human again? There was only one way…
At the distance of a memory, there’s the green field where my heart found love. Here we are, it’s me now, the one trembling. I’m scared of my memories, I’m scared of missing the arms that held me, I want to run away and I want to stay, to hold this boy’s hand, to help him cross the line. Do I still know the way back from this world of shadows, demons and lost souls?
“I needed to see the place, to feel its beauty. This is Love, vibrating in every petal of every flower. It’s you, in every gentle ray of light…”
It’s me without the one I loved so much. I thought I’m just an empty shell that God, in His mercy, filled with faith, hope and a love we call supreme. I was wrong…all my definition about myself are pale and inconsistent, dancing capriciously on the edge of madness. I’m ready to give in…
“Give me your heart, it’s all I need…and I promise…my demon mask will be lost forever. I need the peace I’m sensing within you! You lured me into your marvelous territory, so now I’m an addict. I want what I see in you. I want to devour your serenity, to bathe in your restfulness splendor.”
I see the light in his eyes and I smile. He’s nothing but a child…just like me, just like every lost soul that crossed the line in a desperate search of love.
“I cannot give you my heart, for it doesn’t belong to me, not anymore. And I cannot give you peace. Simply because, what you sensed in me is nothing but the purest reflection of the peace I sensed in you…”
“But this place…your place?”
“You created it, to embrace your own serenity. See, you may not feel ready to cross the line back to the real world, but your heart has already made the step.”
He gave me his demon mask.
“Here it is, use it wisely. You’ll need it because here, more than in real life, some of them will try to use you. To cling to you, to bite the very core of your faith, to imprison your dreams…For they are nothing but hungry for a love they rejected long ago. Please use it while I find my way back to humanity.”
I hugged him tight, wishing him all the love in the world.
Alone, in the place where I met The Shadow, with a heart that loved too much to survive the storm, I threw away the demon mask. Way into the abyss!
For one thing is sure…
As long as I have my angel wings, even broken, even hurt, even lost or misguided…
…this is the only shelter I’ll ever need.
I found the image at: http://pochemu-otchego.info/pochemu/pochemu-nelzya/pochemu-nelzya-budit-lunatikov/