When we pass the end…

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The bridge was waiting for me, ever since I opened my eyes to this ferocious world. I always knew…one day…you and me we’ll meet on that bridge. It’ll be our last day as lovers.

The echoes of its voice haunted my innocent years, a sign of the troubled waters I’m supposed to cross. I always felt…I have to stay safe, for you and me, for the divine love that unites our souls, even if one day…you’ll be standing on that bridge too. It’ll be my last day of torment.

The road was rocky, but it always guided me to the edge of the bridge. That’s where I’ll find you, that’s where I’ll cry. You’ll say nothing, but your silence will shout angry, horrible words. It’ll be your last day of hate.

We’ll be together, looking in each other’s eyes, on the doomed bridge. You’ll feel my weakness, so you’ll despise me even more, no matter how hard I plead for my life…you’ll still push me into the deep, dark waters…

That’s when we’re no longer lovers…

That’s when all my crying is done…

And you can’t hate me anymore.

So, here I am, on the edge of the bridge, this is the day meant to set us both free. My eyes are burning, but my heart is cold as ice, waiting for that last push into the unknown. Dreaming of a world where all the metaphors speak of miracles and love.

Here I am…the one that you used to love. Your best friend and the one you held through the roughest storms. Ready to face the abyss of your empty eyes. No guilt allowed, for you are doing it as a prove of kindness. A final one.

The bridge was always waiting, calling, haunting and alluring me. To sit on the edge of it, to count the paving tiles, to touch the old barricade that separates life from death. He always knew…it wont be my final day, not today, not here…

The bridge is old as time and lonely as the heart you deserted. He called you too, to meet me in the middle. To hold my hand and to carry me home…You never came.

So I turned my heart into a bridge…

 

 

Title inspired by the amazing song “When love kills love” by Scorpions: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwaUeb0qc_Y

Photo from my personal collection.

 

 

 

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Black mirrors

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“Broken glass all over her bedroom floor…In my nightmares, she’s escaping the black mirror…”

Nonsense, he’s whispering, your mind is nothing but a drama queen!

“Stuck there for years, she witnessed the kindness turning into cruelty…”

Okay, let’s play, he arrogantly smiles. How many years behind the mirror?

“Four and a half. Enough to drive any sensitive soul into madness. Sleepless and blind, she only heard the laughs…”

Well, she’s pretty good when it comes to play the victim part! he abruptly interrupts me, pretending not to hear the tremble in my voice.

“Unlovable. Ugly. Unwanted. Sad. Old. Hopeless. Fat. Pathetic. Ridiculous.”

Right, ridiculous. Stupid ghost, she was haunted by her own hallucinations, he angrily says, turning his eyes away from me.

“Stupid, yes…for loving so desperately. But love quickly turns into dark behind the black mirror, so she learned to hate the very things she used to adore.”

What? Sorry, this is becoming a bit too much for me. So, for example, if she adored chocolate, she must really hate it now…he nervously laugh.

“Vanilla ice-cream, pizza, the color blue, dancing, small talks, cuddling, making love, heart shaped clouds, your voice…The way it felt when your fingers played on her soft skin…She learned to hate all these things and beyond them…”

Is there any point to this? Are we getting anywhere or we’re just being dramatic for the sake of romance? he impatiently asks me.

“She hurt herself.”

Aha.

“Deep cuts that left bloody traces. Scars that took months to heal.”

Really.

“You never saw…Or…did you?”

For God’s sake!

“Please, just listen! I need to tell you, it might be my only chance to heal…”

Right, your nightmares. So she escaped the black mirror?

“She broke it and then she thought she’s finally free. Finally loved…and rediscovering…your voice…the most beloved melody when you pronounced her name…your eyes…the highest paradise, when you gazed into her soul. How could you…why would you…? You…murderer!”

So I’m the bad guy?! Again! What have I done again?!

“You told her that her mind is nothing but a drama queen…”

 

 

 

I found the image at: http://mariapleshkova.com/index.php?/albums/

While you are sleeping…

Dark WatersA world is ending and another one is reborn…the new one is made of thin shadows, vulnerable and airy, with one purpose only: to keep me safe ’till morning…Do you see the shadows?

An empire burns to its grounds and another one starts rebuilding from ashes…the new one is fragile, made of colors and dreams, imaginary characters with one desire only: to hold me tight ’till morning…Do you see the kings’s castle, made for me only?

A life sacrifice itself on the altar of good will and another one plays wild, twisted, tormented games, with one freedom only: to make me happy ’till morning…Do you see me dancing with my demons?

While you are sleeping, they fail. The shadows, the kings, the games. But you can’t see me crying out scared, scratching my knees on impossible walls, dying inside…while you dream.

You leave a door wide open, so that I could run away every night, terrified by the sound of your peaceful breathing. See, my love, your peace became my nightmare, a war I cannot win, nor survive, while you are sleeping.

Tears fall into an ocean of broken goodbye notes, but your sweet dreams wont sail the troubled waters. I’m left here, with the monsters and I’m sorry…there’s no way I could ever fight them, so I just become one myself, while you are dreaming.

Our bond breaks to the point of no returning and I’m someone else’s love…while you quietly smile in the safety of your bed. And I’m more awake than ever…with him.

While you are sleeping, I’m powerless…drowning in black waters, desperate enough to miss the same chains I used to hate. The old golden cage that used to be my home. But you don’t need this drama, in your perfect nocturnal harmony. Do you?

…so I just kiss your forehead, I tuck you in and turn the lights off…

Good night, my love. Goodbye.

 

 

 

I found the image at: https://www.deviantart.com/kylu/art/Dark-Waters-6635387

 

I want you to be happier!

sea-sunset-children-2K-wallpaperI want you to be joyful like a child in the Christmas morning, opening every gift that life has in store for you! Imagine that, in those colorful gift boxes, there could be the treasure of the world! It is, don’t you know? You just need to unwrap it and to enjoy all these wonders!

I want you to laugh and to play like every day would be the greatest adventure of all! You’ll have tears in your eyes from all the laughing, and you’ll still want more! Lacking air from all the giggling, jumping around and making funny faces, I want you to allow yourself to live to the fullest!

I want you to fall in love again! You’ll learn that love can be so sweet and easy to embrace, it doesn’t need drama, tragedies and anger. It doesn’t turn into hate, you’re not supposed to get hurt so deeply! Love is the gentle touch of a butterfly’s wings on your shoulder, reminding you that life is magical!

I want you to say lovely words, without the fear of sounding foolish or vulnerable! You’ll be amazing when you’ll compliment the loved one, when you’ll encourage the desperate one, when you’ll heal the broken one. You are meant to be a hero, don’t ever forget that!

And, finally, I want you to take your guitar and let your voice be heard! Be generous, be kind, be loving and fair…this is who you are!

I want you to be happier! Don’t you want it too? I know you can be!

…even if I’ll have to let you go.

 

 

Inspired by this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7Bc3pLyij0

I found the image at: http://www.wallpaperbetter.com/cute-wallpaper/sea-sunset-children-243312

 

 

Is there anyone out there?

canary-birds-indoor-hazards“Anyone at all?” she asked in a broken voice, but only the falling leafs seemed to answer to her calling. They flew around her, swirling and giggling in the wind’s turmoil. She was never that lonely, nor that eager to run into someone’s arms. Anyone’s arms…

She was a runaway, like so many others before her. Little birds, escaping golden cages, brave little creatures who craved for more than crumbles, they needed the rain and the rainbow, the sun and the lightnings, the love and the passion of being free!

This little bird always considered her story as being boring, common and flat. Nothing to complain about in her perfect little world. Nothing to dream about, for she never truly knew her needs and her desire. Hunger and thirst, cold and heated, desperate and euphoric…those were notions she only knew theoretically…

In a perfectly round cage, safety is a sure thing. That’s how her masters used to say and she learned gratitude by heart! That’s what kept her away the cold, dangerous, tormented, real world outside. She would never ask if she’s free to fly.

Freedom? Of course she’s free! Can’t you see that I never locked her in? Can’t you find the open door, sweet little bird? But she was violently shaking her little head in the palm of her keeper. NO! No open door would ever be more alluring than his fingers gently caressing her silky feathers.

So he acted neglectful and she became restless. Not only the little door of her golden cage, but also the big window of the his golden home…how many temptations is a little heart doomed to repress? If the enemy’s out there, in the big, wild world…then how come she’s so sad and lonely, right here, inside?

It was not the hand that fed her, it was not him to blame for this outcome…

It’s the eye that stopped seeing her beauty, it’s the ear that stopped hearing her songs, it’s the heart that stopped beating in the same rhythm as hers.

“Anyone at all? Anyone to love with everything in me? Anyone to care  for this crazy little bird? Just someone…anyone…”

She was just a runaway who, like so many others before her, disappeared under the starry sky. And we’ll never know…

if she found anyone at all…

or she went into the unknown, hungry and exhausted…

if she ever found her way back home…

or she just found an escape from the big wild cage we call REAL world…

if someone loved her to her last moments…

or another hunter loved to have in her a different kind of pray.

But there’s one thing I’m sure about: She wont be the last little bird who’s replacing an illusion for another. You, little bird, just like me, with struggling hearts, desperately kicking the walls of our golden cages…freedom…what an impossible dream…what a misfortune…

it’s in our human nature to fulfill it!

 

 

I found the image at: https://www.picturesboss.com/pictures/canary-bird-flying-0c.html

 

Don’t cry for your lost love…

3-woman-walk-at-beach-watermarkIf every love story would have a color, mine would be like the gentle golden rays of an early autumnal morning…

If the memories would turn to music, ours would be like a lovely lullaby, sung by a choir of angels…

If my sadness would have a taste, it would be the sweetness of the unseen tears on my lips when you kissed me goodbye…

So, tell me…

Where do the falling stars live? Is there a secret, invisible sky that I could, maybe, look at? While calling your name again and again…in vain…

Or should I search for your smile at the end of the rainbow? If we could find that magical place, with heavenly nuances, maybe we could be happy there…

Is there a special paradise meant for all the innocent hearts that die too soon, too often, too cruelly? Can you take me there?

Because, you see, if my love is a gentle golden light, I don’t want to be colorblind.

If my memories sound like a lullaby, I don’t want to mute the music.

Oh, my sadness…it tastes like acid rain on my dried lips, and I don’t want to die thirsty and desperate!

I know there’s life after love, just that my heart is refusing it…

But here I am, pleading with you, love… my love, don’t cry. Don’t read the lines through blurry eyes, they’re only meant to heal our hearts. Life has been so generous to me…I had you in my arms!

Don’t cry, don’t ever cry…Let’s taste the kisses of the rain drops, they’ll take us to the special place where hearts live in heavenly nuances…

And love will be eternal.

 

 

I found the image at: https://www.toperfect.com/woman-walk-at-beach-watermark.html

 

 

When love was nothing but a battle cry

3524484971_a524f481d3_bDo you like this fragrance of smoke in my hair?

I wrote you a thousand letters and, with each one of them, I loved you a little more. Sweet lines with bitter meanings and big words with senseless metaphors, yet, you forgave my lack of judgement in each and every promise I made. You tried to decipher the empty spaces, unaware that the key is buried deep inside me.

Do you like when my eyes are changing from green to fire-bright carnelian?

I wrote you a million poems and, when rhymes faded away, I used my tears to paint a proper ending to my endless questions. You were the hero and I was your muse, you saved the world and I was saving you, you got the glory, I got insecure. I failed again, this pain has no rhythm, it’s blank and white and cruel!

Do you like the warmth of my hands on your body?

I wrote you a love song, inspired by the way you’re undressing my shivering soul, leaving me naked and ashamed in the spotlight. You listened and asked for more of this passionate, self-destructive desire. You loved the harmony in my whispers and you wanted me to teach you how to play. Guitar, violin, piano, my heart…you played them beautifully. Then, bored and lonely, you deleted my song from your playlist.

Do you like my slow, sensual dances under the moonlight?

I wrote you a made-up story about the boy on the moon who saved the sad girl from falling. I sent you a page every day, so that you could add some more drama, some more mystery. Some more love…I saw you laughing, changing the lines, breaking and cutting the thin wire I was hanging on to. You asked for a realistic script.

My love, reality lies broken under my burnt feet and no one wins. Your love was nothing but a battle cry in this war of hearts, my hero. Don’t cry, my boy-from-the-moon, no one will break me anymore…

I wrote a thousand letters and I set them on fire.

This was supposed to heal me, but, instead, I fell in love with the ashes…

 

 

The title was inspired by Tom Neuwirth’s song “Heroes” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puRPBdZPfi8

I found the image at: http://www.flickriver.com/photos/nuvan_buet/3524484971/

 

 

Even if you cannot hear my voice…

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There’s a blue light I adore, it reminds me of sweet winds and tender sunsets. It takes me back…to the place where the sky kisses the waves and the the mountain embraces the sea. There’s gentleness and love in the deep blue light…

There’s a moment I treasure, it keeps coming back like an old song. Like a precious gift, it’s part of me and it stays unchanged, untouched…Sometimes, in my magical, childlike thinking, I even believe I’m there. And there’s sweetness and joy in the gold, eternal moment…

There’s a touch that keeps my heart warm, no matter how long and dark is the night we’re crossing…It heals me every time I need it, it gives wings to my illusions, it creates nostalgia…There’s peace and hope in the touch I cherish so much and I live for it…

I wish you could remember too…we promised we will…

We’ll find each other where the sun kisses the waves. We’ll be in love there, where the mountain embraces the salty waters. The sand will be warm under my feet and your arms will be strong enough to hold my restless heart…

You wont let go…

I wont run away…

You’ll kiss the trace of my tears, unaware of the storms inside me. I’ll stop you from asking, because, deep in your heart, you already know…

And I’ll whisper sweet words, like lovers do. You’ll promise me that you’ll never forget.

But you did…

So, now, from worlds apart, my voice is calling you through time. How do I cross this border? How do I reach out? I’m still there, in the summer of ’97…I’m still here, whispering sweet nothings…

I still forgive you every time you forget…

 

I found the image at: https://ro.pinterest.com/pin/352336370819643247/?lp=true

The title is inspired by the song “Run” by Leona Lewis https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pelOvxFuJj8

 

 

True love might fall from the sky

Broken-Mirror_Evening-Sky-Anscochrome

He’s thinking of me…I know it because, every time he does that, my heart becomes a restless bird, impatiently trying to escape her broken cage. It hurts every time he’s thinking of me…

He opens the window and the cold morning air awakens the tremble inside him. His empty arms embrace an imaginary body…mine. And, from worlds apart, the shiver inside me becomes unbearable. I’m freezing…every time he opens the window…

He turns on the radio, hoping to hear my favorite songs, but there are only tragedies. His fingers are wiping imaginary tears. We cried together, seeing the devastation inside our souls and he secretly wishes he would have the cure for every pain in this world. I still cry…every time he listens to a love song…

He smiles in the mirror, rehearsing the roles he’s going to play. The loving husband, the devoted father, the talented business man, the generous neighbor, the faithful christian, the rebel artist…Miles apart, masks are falling and walls are crushing down into my life. I break down…every time he fakes a smile…

He’s ignoring the voice that calls his name. He claims he doesn’t understand the question. He never shares the beauty he sees in the deep, blue sky. He’s deaf to the pleadings and blind to the tears that fall for him…

Insensitive to the love he’s given.

-Hey…what’s so interesting up there? There are only clouds! Come on, give me a hug…true love wont fall from the sky…

-Who knows…it might…

He’s laughing, there, in his world, while my broken heart becomes nothing but a fluffy, airy cloud, on the blue skies of his life.

He’s thinking of me…

He misses my warm body in the cold morning air…

He hears my voice in every love song on the radio…

He wishes he would be the hero in my every story…

This is how I lie to myself. Because I’m not miles away, in another world…I’m just  looking up to a completely different set of clouds, longing for him to hold me. No, this is not another story about a long-distance-relationship!

I’m right here, he’s near me. We’re holding hands…galaxies apart.

 

 

I found the image at: http://jamesharrisgallery.com/artists

Title inspired by the song “Milk and Toast and Honey” by Roxette https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jI8TXgDJ09s

Do you want me on my knees?

kiss_you_hard_in_the_pouring_rain_by_kris_kamikakushi-d8j79ttI was walking barefoot, tired and weary, when the skies turned black. It wasn’t unusual to me, it wasn’t strange or frightening. It was my world, my life with the desperation within. I was walking empty and broken when I found him.

He was waving a black flag, a symbol of a war he was longing to win, for he was battling the same angry winds that smashed our spirits to the ground. For an eternity, or so it seemed back then. He was walking in tears of anger when he saw me.

I ran to him like he would be my long lost friend, my prince or my savior. I convinced myself that all my stories are real and I was going to convince him that I’m his fairy. Selfish and naive, I was building a novel around this fantasy of mine. I ran to him like a homeless child searching for a shelter.

He opened his arms and almost smiled. A clear sign of a conqueror, even if the victory was bitter-sweet for him. After all, what kind of joy would bring such an easy prey? Nothing precious, no diamond hidden in a stone, just a broken heart with an uncommon desire to surrender. He opened his arms, but the gates to his heart stayed closed and sealed.

I cried when he first kissed me, and the light in me brightened the black skies. I let it all out, in a hopeless attempt to heal his blindness. But the torment and the pain were still there, no matter how tight I was holding to love! I blamed myself for the loneliness I felt in his arms. I cried when he kissed me, knowing it would be our last kiss.

He called me his princess, just like I always dreamed. He believed my stories and he pronounced the perfect words. And, as my heart was melting in his palms, he took my hand, taking me to a place he called home. He had a certain sadness in his eyes, as he walked me in, through the golden gates. He called me princess, so my cell would be paved with gold.

I searched for the black skies, but all I could see were the thick walls surrounding my golden cage. Locked with no chance to ever escape, to ever walk barefoot by the sea, I started to dream of storms and raging waves, to wash away this devastation inside. Imprisoned without a judgement, without a crime, I broke every vow and torn my innocence apart. I searched for the black skies and begged for an ending to this life sentence.

He admired the golden cage, for it was his creation. Years of anger and bitterness made it even shinier. His efforts were not in vain, for the view was spectacular! A free show, what a shame that the world couldn’t see it! How often can you see a heart breaking in pieces in front of you? How perfect is the soul the gives itself to the flames, just for one short glance at the deep blue in your eyes? He admired the golden cage and decided that the game is boring and dull, but we’ll play it anyway.

I fell on my knees, asking for one thing. One and only. The key.

He offered me his heart instead. 

 

 

I found the image at: https://www.deviantart.com/kris-kamikakushi/art/kiss-you-hard-in-the-pouring-rain-515981441

The title is inspired by one of my favorites songs: Scorpions, “Believe in love” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4WArSKK9go