Writing request: Write a story or a scene where the main character suspects that the voices they hear are hiding a secret from them.

The voices were louder than ever before:
They don’t like your writings. It’s all about your lack of fantasy!”
“You’re a coward! You hide behind your fictional characters instead of taking responsibility for your problems!”
“But maybe that’s your way of healing…”
“Don’t be stupid! It’s not about healing, it’s about getting attention!”
“No, it was never about that!”
“So, you don’t care about the likes and comments, right? You’re such a hypocrite!”
“Because of your stupid writings, someone might feel hurt or offended. Someone might start hating you and you know what? It’s well deserved!”
“If you could be more interesting!”
“If you could care less about their opinions!”
“If you could stop crying like a baby every time someone bullies you! It’s normal, this is the world we’re living in!”
“It’s not normal, other people are loved and admired!”
“Just not…you”

She shouted out loud, so loud that everyone turned to see what’s wrong. Some even left their seats and came closer, with their phones, already smiling, thinking of the views they’ll get on YouTube for posting it…
STOPPP…please, just stop…
She said it again and, just like magic, the voices stopped. The stillness in her mind felt awkward and dangerous. Felt empty.
She knew it right away, they never stop, unless they’re planning something. Usually against her. That’s how they are, mean and secretively hateful. What is their secret now?
The video got viral on YouTube. On some other social media too. Titles like:
“Crazy blogger-girl has a meltdown in restaurant” or
“Seeking for attention, this blogger only becomes ridiculous” or
“How to embarrass yourself in public” became her new normal. And voices remained silent.
And people forgot about it completely.
And no one ever wondered what happened to the girl who hears voices after she deleted her blog.

She left a note saying “I know their secret now. They want to kill me, but I won’t give them satisfaction…”

Image from

I’ll wear a smile for you…

One day you’ll see the flames inside me and, suddenly, hell will make sense in your sleeping conscience.

One day you’ll love me too.

Not today. Today is about masks that hide our deformities. Our scarred hearts. Our blinded eyes.

Today is about being wrong.

One day my naked body will be the altar for you to lay your love at.

One day you’ll want me too.

Not today. Today is about destruction and disarming the enemy. You and me, soldiers fighting against each other. You hurt me so bad and now I’m deadly bleeding!

Today is about laughing of my pain.

One day you’ll realize the damage we have done and the blessing in the love we were given.

One day you’ll regret it too.

Not today. Today you’re the king of destiny and I’m the queen of broken pieces.

Forgive me, Your Highness!

One day I’ll wear a smile for you. An honest one.

Not today. Today my heart is dying.

Meet my demons (II)

horror-2581018_960_720“If you are an angel, why are you hurting me?” I asked him, while my heart was racing madly, gasping for air in an attempt to survive this infernal, unreasonable fear. His smile revealed his sharp teeth, his eyes became ice, his answer became my damnation and my body froze, trapped between life and death, right there, in his arms.

He found me a lifetime ago…a little girl playing with her dolls, on a rainy afternoon. A sweet portrait of innocence, but he knew better, for that little girl -me- was the loneliest child he ever met. Her ears – filled with angry screams, her eyes – rivers of repressed tears, her freckles – hidden reasons of shame, her soul – witness of a war between the adults she loved the most!

He took her hand and showed her his castle (“it will be yours”), it was high, it was dark, it was guarded with an iron fence and still, she loved it. It felt safe to stay there, she felt cared for and no one noticed her disappearance, ’cause, sadly, they were busy fighting against each other. Who would fight for her? For the loneliest little girl in the world?

“There’s a terrible world out there, a world where angels like you and me could not survive!” he used to tell me, every time I got too close to the iron fence. My universe got smaller day by day, while my every move, my every small gesture was questioned. A prisoner of my own mind, with Fear, Panic and Pain as guardians, I grew and turned into the loneliest girl…woman…wife…mother…daughter…in the whole world.

“What if…you fail…you embarrass yourself…you disappoint them…wouldn’t it be better not to try at all?” and I believed his fake love. But then, as night settled upon my heart, he laughed of my dreams…

“Something horrible is going to happen, can’t you feel it?” and I’ve mistaken fear for good judgement, dark thoughts for intuition, demonic whispers for faith! And then I cried and prayed, and waited for a prince to save me. And I waited in vain!

‘Cause no prince was ever going to see me, all hidden behind black curtains, in the highest tower of my black castle. And no hero would hear my cry for help while I’m voiceless! So, maybe…

Maybe it’s time for me to become my own hero.

“If you are an angel, why are you hurting me?” asked the loneliest little girl in the world, still holding the black, rugged, deadly hand of the beast who took control over her world. “Because you don’t deserve to be loved!” he answered and then she knew…

And then I knew…

He kept me away from the ones I love…

He took away my every little joy…

He made me feel helpless, pointless, desperate and unlovable.

Escaping him is beyond my human powers, it is a continue battle I have to carry every day, a struggle and a pain I’ll always face. From all the lies that turned my inner voice into my most frightening enemy, the most terrifying was the feeling of being completely, utterly alone. Now I know, I never was, I’ll never be…

Because I am loved through all my insecurities.

Meet my second demon: Anxiety



All credits for the image to the free-photos website


Let me hold you…

68281533_2631272606903364_8485486330300596224_nLet me run my fingers through your hair, I know you remember the sweet sensation of letting go…Oh, how tense your shoulders must feel, carrying all your secret pain…So let me play with your soft curls…

Let me whisper sweet little words in your ear, I know you’re tired of all the irony and anger…Oh, how hurt you must be when only sarcasm breaks this agonizing silence…So let me whisper sweet words of love…

Let me bathe you in rose petals, I know you love the mesmerizing perfume of flowers on your bare skin…Oh, how lonely you must feel when blind eyes are starring at your naked beauty…So let me bathe you in soft petals and gentle touches…

Let me take you to a place of wonders, I know your dreams were full of colors and joy…Oh, how scared you must feel when darkness haunts you and breaks you every single night…So let me take you to a place of dreams…

I will make you feel safe, just let me hold you…

You are so lonely and so sad, so scared and tired, so hurt and desperate…

So unwanted and unloved.

But if you let me, I will hold you and you won’t feel the pain…only the peace, only the dream, only the dark…So let me hold you for the last time.

That’s how he lied and I almost believed. Too many times, in too many ways…he held me through my blindness, taking me straight into the darkest night. He promised me the safety of an eternal love, but all I’m left with are the ever-bleeding cuts and bruises.

He has so many names and he never reveals them all. What is it? Depression? Or Anxiety? Maybe Borderline? Perhaps is Bipolar? All of them and even more? He cruelly laughs while I desperately try to define it, in order to control it. He plays with notions and symptoms, while guiding me to the end of the road.

I said no today and all the lies turned to smoke.

And then I raised my tired eyes. Yes, I am loved!



Photo from my personal collection.


You wont remember me…

62476938_2531679523529340_7617729226556309504_nI was aching for a touch, a special kind of touch, so I brought you here, where the sun kisses the waves, where the wind swears its love to the falling leafs…

Was it my dream? or was it yours? I cannot remember anymore…the moment when we laid on the sand, heart by heart, hand in hand…that moment sealed my lips, so no more words of pain could turn to life…

My trembling fingers tracing the tears on your face, kissing each one, tasting the salty water on your cheeks. Whispers from your dream…yes, I’m being silly again…these  aren’t tears, it’s only the sea and its bitter-sweet memories…

And then we’re dancing against the cruel time…it’ll take me away…it always does…

Not in your dream, not in your heart…where am I, my love?

Not in your memories.



Photo from my personal collection.



Hey, little pigeon…

a8952913b7ffd282a36f978304334867Tell me about the place you’re flying to, it must be so beautiful! You have the wings of an angel, my little friend…could they carry me over the blue horizons? I really miss the love now…

Come, sweet little pigeon, come closer to my heart, this story I’m about to tell is not for fragile souls! Innocent eyes…could they see inside me, would they forgive the light turned into darkness? I really want to believe now…

Precious little wonder, have you ever lost yourself into a blossomed garden? Mesmerized by the perfume of paradise, charmed by the rose’s smile in the gentle breeze…you just stay there, praying it’ll last forever. Were you ever in love?

Ever dancing with the golden rays that cradled your whispers? Ever kissing the traces of light when the sky is raining upon you with petals of gold? Ever feeling your heart bursting in million little pieces, all carrying a love you’d call eternal?

And if you ever knew this kind of light, and if you ever lived this kind of happiness, and if you ever loved this strong…

…what would you do if the blossomed flowers would die under the cruel gaze of a careless sun?

…if the garden of paradise would turn into dark and that’s not even a damnation you could fight with…it’s just…home…

…and if eternity is just an empty feeling, a hollowing pain of something so rare and precious, for ever lost…

What would you do, sweet little pigeon, with a love so deep and powerful, so secret and unfulfilled that it will eventually murder you?

Hey, little pigeon, where are you flying to? please stay…why is the light in you fading away, why is your brave heart weakening…is it me? Don’t…my angel…just don’t…

…don’t drink the salty water pouring from my eyes, sweet little bird, I never meant to be your poison…



I found the image at:



Just one beat away…

4435875152_e256aa76e0_oI feel your eyes on my bare shoulders, the royal blue of your gaze…gently undressing my soul, until I’m left hopelessly, shamelessly naked inside…

I feel you watching my every step, even if my path is so well known to both of us…my knees get weak as I realize that I almost…got lost…I almost walked away from you…

I feel your hands caressing the cold surface of your window…imagining it’s my skin, your fingers squeezing the red curtains, as if you would try to deny a sin we’re so close to commit…

You always hide, but I feel you…

Behind your walls, you stop me from running…the strength of your hands and the tremble of my fingers…I want you here and, yet, I wish you were still there, in the shadows.

The cold royal blue of your eyes, burns me deep…I wish I could scream my pain, but tears flow so quietly, so peacefully in my inner storm! This is unnatural, this is absurd…this is insane!

But if I’m crazy, tell me…are you my healer? My reward for all the wasted years? Is it the right time to confess my crime? Because the woman in me is long gone and I forgot when…and how…and who killed her.

I close my eyes, waiting to be sentenced.

No…not like this…

With infinite tenderness, you touch my lips…and I feel your desire. More than anything, you need me to stop the words. The inner dialogue that hurts me, wounds me, kills me! And I will, some day. Now I’m only gasping for air…help me! Please guide me and show me how it feels to breath…for I never knew.

I feel your eyes on my naked soul and I feel safe…if it burns, we will burn together. And then…we will be alright. My stalker, my watcher, my love…I think I’m falling too…




I found the image at:




So, was it when I chose to hide away my tears?

I wonder if you knew about my longest night,

When darkness almost overcame the light!

To know about my bravest fight…

Would you be proud of me?

Just tell me honestly!

Or was it when I silenced all my fears?


So, was it when I gave myself to you?

There was no shame or anger in my brightful eyes,

You never looked behind…to see how high it flies

My heart, filled with your lies…

How could you set it free?

Just tell me honestly!

Or was it when I said “I love you too…” ?


So, was it when I let you lead this dance?

We said our vows, you promised me you’ll stay

Through storms and calm, through night and day,

In times when I no longer pray…

Would you believe in me?

Just tell me honestly!

Or, was it when I gave a second chance?


It’s not of curiosity that I keep breaking through

This silence only hurts like hell!

The walls get closer, I can tell…

Is life a carousel?!

So, was it when I loved you more than life?

Or was it when your love became a knife

That cut and hurt and killed the “me and you”?


Your eyes that pierced my soul, now look away…

It was supposed to last for ever and a day…

“I love you more”…that’s how you used to say…

Through storms and hell…we would have been okay

As long as love would guide our twisted way…

Don’t cry…it’s not that terrible

My question stands, unbearable!

Time wont return, life’s not repairable!

When was that I became invisible?



I found the image at:






The good one


What keeps us in the darkness, when all our hopes are gone?

Why can’t we find the colors of life in this grey zone?

Where are you when I need you…if I am so alone?

And how can Love survive into a heart of stone?


She cried a thousand rivers, while looking at the sky,

Were white and sweet and gentle, just like a lullaby

The arms that held her tightly before they said goodbye…

She angrily decided that faith was meant to die!


She signed in blood and anguish, her soul to give away

A pact so clear and simple, just like a childish play…

He was supposed to love her for ever and a day!

Oh, crazy heart, why did you…become such easy prey?


Indeed, he came to love her, because he missed her light…

He kissed the eyes that carry the darkness of the night,

And promised to revive that Love that seemed so bright!

In tears of blood he promised…for her he’ll surely fight!


But when the shadows came, was nothing but regret

The Love that once was sacred – now hanging by a thread,

He gladly set her free, pretending to forget

The tears, the pain, the anguish of this poor marionette…


He tried to write a poem, but curses have no rhyme,

And pain was bound to fill him until the end of time!

Forgiveness and damnation…between them such thin line!

When life itself is nothing but a repeated crime…


What keeps us in the darkness, where Love is almost none,

Why can’t we see above us the brightly shining sun?

Can you remember flying before you turn to run?

Could you believe my story if evil never won?

‘Cause in this world of angels, no pact was ever done!

No judgement or damnation upon her -the good one-

For she’s the Light inside us, and Light is never gone…




I found the image at:

Title inspired by “Million Reasons” by Lady Gaga





To fix what I’ve broken…


-I’m sitting here, between worlds, knowing you can fix me. I broke the bridge of light, it collapsed under my lies! I’m here to confess a truth so terrible…

He stopped me, taking me in his arms and almost crushing the words inside my chest.

“We don’t talk about it. Terrible truths, heartbreaking confessions…they stay locked in the darkness for ever.”

His kiss had nothing tender, nothing sweet this time. It was meant to set things straight. Meant to make me forget him, to erase all the memories of tenderness and safety.

-Why? It’s all I have, all I’m clinging to, in the loneliness of my ever-lasting nights. I love you, do you still love me too?

His fingers left red traces on my arms, they’ll turn blue in the morning, just like my heart. But it wasn’t the pain that brought the salty water in my eyes, no!

“We don’t mention love in our conversations. Nor loneliness. They’re frail and easily breakable human emotions, so they make us weak. Don’t ever speak their names!”

I wanted to push him away, for he was not the one I desperately wanted back. He was stronger, wiser, braver…he was colder than any long forgotten dream of mine. He was…

“How am I?”


“And how are you?”

This is where I’m breaking in pieces. This is when I fall. This is my unspeakable truth. For I am just a shadow.

“Right.  Your truth is different than mine. So this is where we close the gate. A thin smoke, this is your memory…”

He pushed me away, setting himself free. And I died inside, along with the love I was carrying. But, in the end…dreams cannot kill, can they?

-I’m sitting here, between worlds, knowing you can fix me. I broke the bridge of light, it collapsed under my lies! I’m here to confess a truth so terrible…

“Oh, baby, I want to hear every one of your truths, no matter how terrible they are!”

-I’m nothing but a shadow! These tears are made of smoke! And I’ll be gone, if you ever decide to forget me…

He smiled and kissed my smokey tears.

“It’s alright, my love, we all are. Shadows, frail, outcasts, breakable, deceiving, confused and anguished. Perfect is the hand that drew us, clear is the eye that saw our first breath. Pure is The Love that keeps us alive. And you are loved beyond measure…”



I found the image at:

Title inspired by the song “You are the reason” by Calum Scott and Leona Lewis