He breaks all the walls…

21579a042603b65There’s a secret world inside of me, but I never speak about its beauty. It’s made of golden rays that embrace him in light, every Sunday morning…

A life of Sundays, all filled with promises of love. He kisses my sleepy eyes, so that, even in my dreams, I would feel safe. My one and only, gently touching my lips with his, softly whispering sweet poems, tenderly awakening the woman inside me…

A life of summers, with colorful flowers, all for me, all because of his love. The rose petals on our silky bed…a promise of trust and passion, tenderness that leaves no fear between us. Roses in my hair, their perfume mesmerizes my senses and all I can feel now is this ocean of devotion in his eyes…

A life of childlike giggles, when he’s counting the freckles on my face and I pretend to be grumpy and cranky and difficult, just to hear that seductive voice of him, calling me “his darling”…and then, laughing like crazy, to plant thousand little kisses all over his worried smile…

A life of poems, all perfect and all incomplete…because, just like in movies, I sneak behind his back, just to see him smiling while he writes…I put my arms around his neck and turn to face him, just to feel his heart beating stronger…I sit in his lap, with my head on his chest, just to stop him from writing a proper ending…

My love for you is endless…please don’t write the end…

And he listens and he cares, he’s there for me, even in my madness. He’s my rock, my armor, even when I fight my demons and my memories. He thinks I’m beautiful, even when I cry and he swears I’m sweet, even when I’m stubborn…

There’s a secret world inside of me, but I never speak about its beauty. It hurts too much…

Because he breaks all the walls, embracing my heart in light and love.

While I only break him…

Forgive me…I love you too.

 

 

 

I found the image at https://pngtree.com/freepng/love-clouds_191529.html

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

The good one

s2

What keeps us in the darkness, when all our hopes are gone?

Why can’t we find the colors of life in this grey zone?

Where are you when I need you…if I am so alone?

And how can Love survive into a heart of stone?

 

She cried a thousand rivers, while looking at the sky,

Were white and sweet and gentle, just like a lullaby

The arms that held her tightly before they said goodbye…

She angrily decided that faith was meant to die!

 

She signed in blood and anguish, her soul to give away

A pact so clear and simple, just like a childish play…

He was supposed to love her for ever and a day!

Oh, crazy heart, why did you…become such easy prey?

 

Indeed, he came to love her, because he missed her light…

He kissed the eyes that carry the darkness of the night,

And promised to revive that Love that seemed so bright!

In tears of blood he promised…for her he’ll surely fight!

 

But when the shadows came, was nothing but regret

The Love that once was sacred – now hanging by a thread,

He gladly set her free, pretending to forget

The tears, the pain, the anguish of this poor marionette…

 

He tried to write a poem, but curses have no rhyme,

And pain was bound to fill him until the end of time!

Forgiveness and damnation…between them such thin line!

When life itself is nothing but a repeated crime…

 

What keeps us in the darkness, where Love is almost none,

Why can’t we see above us the brightly shining sun?

Can you remember flying before you turn to run?

Could you believe my story if evil never won?

‘Cause in this world of angels, no pact was ever done!

No judgement or damnation upon her -the good one-

For she’s the Light inside us, and Light is never gone…

 

 

 

I found the image at: http://soundofheart.org/galacticfreepress/content/how-access-your-inner-sun

Title inspired by “Million Reasons” by Lady Gaga https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-B_iLyXzbvE

 

 

 

 

I am the ghost of the girl you loved…

marzena-stanislawska-15

She almost knocked me down with her pink bicycle, rushing like a storm through the people around. I don’t know if I was her only target, but she definitely dreamed of seeing me down, bleeding on the sidewalk. It didn’t happen, not this time, not here.

My salvation was not one of those “lucky chances”, or at least I chose not to see it that way. It was something angelic in the arms that pulled me away, something very soothing and serene in the voice that asked me if I’m alright.

The calming voice asked me if I know the girl who seemed to want nothing more than my disappearance. I know her anger, I said. Her bitterness and hate, the dark voices occupying the place where it used to be light.  She’s hurt and she’s alone in a battle that overwhelms even the strongest hearts.

The strong arms held me through my salvation and I was blessed to feel protected. How I wish she could run straight into the arms of love, instead of angrily storming into the claws of devastation. The tender voice remained silent in the face of my gratitude, but, then, it praised my will to forgive.

I know this girl…

She spends every awaken hour talking to the voices inside her. She believes that life took something away from her, so she’s craving for revenge. She fools her own heart, pretending to be a savage predator. I fear for her…

For the day she’ll discover how much of a victim she became. How the pieces of a broken love can be so sharp, they can cut so deep! I fear for the moment when she’ll stop hating me…for she would have to face her own vulnerability.

She is the girl who’s heart cried in vain for a love he took away.

How would I blame an empty shell? I asked in a broken voice, hiding my tears streamed face into his loving arms…but this would be just another lie, wouldn’t it be? the celestial voice replied.

For it is written for us to never be empty. And to never be alone.

Free will…a blessing or a curse? Yes, it’s a matter of choice if we fill our hearts with light, or we leave ourselves consumed by darkness.

Alone…this is not a choice, nor a possibility. Not in this life, not in the eternal one. Around us, every step we take, angels are watching. Closer than we’ll ever be willing to admit.

“If she’s the girl who loved in vain, ’till her heart turned into ice, then who are you?” playfully asked the innocent voice.

You know me, I whispered with a sad smile. I am her ghost…

 

 

I found the image at: https://www.artstation.com/artwork/1LRQe

Title inspired by Christina Perri’s song “The Lonely” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhQ1c1MsYv0

 

 

 

 

In case you failed to notice…

xg8_collection_of_photog

I stood there, on his doorstep, wearing nothing but the cold rain in my body and soul. Frightened and alone, my sense of shame is tearing me apart at the very thought of stepping inside. He’ll break me once again…

He saw the rain in my eyes and needed no words. Somewhere along the path I lost myself and somehow he knew how to bring me here. Wordlessly and blindly, he took my hand to guide me inside. To the warmth of the fire…

I wanted to cry, but enough tears were wasted by the wandering clouds. Above us, up to the grey skies, God is watching with a smile. A sign of forgiveness. I’m standing here, but my bleeding heart belongs to the storm outside…

The rain looks good on you, darling…

You’re the reason for my storms…

I’m the reason for your sparkling eyes, my love…

They’re sparkling out of tears. You only see the rain…

I only see your loneliness, dear…

You love this…like a master of puppets loves the life he puts within the lifeless…

I love you, you make me feel powerful, sweet one…

Your power is my weakness and it breaks me every time…

That’s our precious secret, no one knows you’re mine, little one…

I have no one…

Then stay and give yourself to me. The sky above you already forgave this crime, for it’s meant to be your destiny. See, precious one? I’m still here, I’ll always be here to hold you…

No one…

Yes, no one can make you smile, nor fill the emptiness inside you. No one loves you in the rain…Their little hearts are addicted to sunshine, beautiful one…

His hunger devoured my fragile inner strength and the light faded away while the rain shouted angry curses to the world. I took my bare soul and gave it all, just to feed this void. He held me even if there was nothing left to give. For a brief moment, he kept his promises and he was the one for me…

No one…

No one loves you like I do, no one wants you like I will…

My words remained unspoken and my heart stayed cold. He tasted the bitter trace of tears on my cheeks and decided that it’s time for the curtain fall.

Sweet madness, what is your favorite path through the falling rain?

For I am still outside, in the cold, wearing the yesterday’s storms.  Still chasing away temptations and demons. Falling, from time to time, rising above in the name of faith. Wondering about them, the loved ones. Why do they always fail to notice?

There’s another standing at his doorstep. Wearing nothing but the rain inside her. One moment from now it may be too late. Don’t call her “an addict”, just call her out…

 

 

I found the picture at: http://sharequotes4you.com/p/sad-crying-girl-alone-in-rain

Title inspired by Jewel’s song “Foolish games” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKvlDrf-_L8

 

I’ve got my angels now

maxresdefault“Some hearts stay close, pretending to be strong as a stone, declaring their self-righteousness while they’re only blind. To love…”

That’s what he said and the echo gave deepness to his voice. He smiled at me, even if his eyes had a certain sadness. Then, suddenly, he took my hand and guided me through the big, black gates.

“She’s with us! She doesn’t need a ticket to get inside. And she’ll stay for as long as her soul desires!”

I looked down, knowing that the ticket seller already recognized the lie. I was not with them and that was visibly clear. I wasn’t wearing the white coat they all had, I wasn’t that joyful as they seemed to be, my eyes had dark circles around them, from my sleepless nights, while their were blue and pure like the morning sky.

The ticket seller got closer to my protector and mumbled something, words that had no meaning to my rational mind, still, I knew I’ll remember them long after today…”what her soul desires…she cannot have…and she should pay, just like the rest of them…for this arrogance of thinking she’s special…”

“Don’t be afraid, I’ve got your back!”

He was still holding my hand, ignoring the rest of the group, and it was because of his warm touch that I could let myself feel this tremble inside me. My eyes kept searching for the only thing that would give some meaning to this journey of mine…

“They turned it into a museum…I know what you are searching for, they locked it away and hid it. See, it wasn’t politically correct to expose it here. Come with me, I will show you…”

He took me to a dark passage, leading to a closed gate. Behind bars, imprisoned and broke, the wooden cross was lying on the floor. A wooden Christ with red painted tears seemed to plead with the Heaven above. For us. From the coldness of the former church’s floor. And I…

I never felt so lonely and so helpless…

so scared and lost…

so defenseless and frightened…

For us. Human kind…

“Tell me, precious soul, what are you really searching for, in this place of lost hopes? Why do you keep exploring abysses, harming your own heart, when all you ever deserved was love and forgiveness?”

His gentleness and the way his eyes pierced the walls of my soul set free all the tears that my vulnerable eyes refused to cry for so long. And I cried for myself. For my lost love. For Christ and for humanity. For this old church turned into museum. For this world where faith is imprisoned so deep inside us.

And I fell on my knees, but a strong, cruel hand pulled me behind…

“How do you dare? For Christ’s name! You’re on holly ground! How do you dare?”

The ticket seller spit the words like venom to my heart. And once again, I desperately needed Him to guide my way…

“Exactly…in the name of Christ. She is with us, she can stay for as long as her soul needs!”

The love in his voice surrounded the place in pure light. He turned to me, in all his glory, with his wings open and his eyes shining.

“Stop searching…He is here.”

He touched my heart. Just like He promised, His touch made it new.

He made my heart pure again. For Him to live within…

 

 

I found the image at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tyiz2yEFIkU

Free to need some help…

DarkSideBeingLight-explodingI’m standing on the line, starring at the ceiling. Behind me, there’s a girl laughing and flirting on the phone, her perfume reminds me of summer. Her laugh reminds me of love and I would hide away, but I can’t. I’m forced to stay on the line, patiently waiting for my turn.

In front of me, two old ladies are sharing memories. One of them giggles, the other says something about the modern technology. They have sweet pictures on their phones. Playful smiles and sparkling eyes, a graduation and the first love. A tiara and a diploma, short glimpses in their lives.

And I shouldn’t be here. I should be flirting and laughing with the man I love. We should have breakfast in bed and he should be saying something ridiculously funny about last night. Terrible habit, to talk on my sleep, but I do say sweet words and I’m always cute in my helpless state of dreaming. That’s how he should say, for me to stop him with a kiss.

And I shouldn’t spy on people’s phones, pictures and lives. I should be having a coffee with my best friend, as a reminder of all the little promises we made. That we’ll be best friends one step beyond this world. That we’ll keep each other safe and sane. I failed.

So I’m standing here, on the line, starring at the ceiling and creating false memories. How it could be…What it…Should I…Why did it…

Come here…

That’s when I break down and cry, right here, in his arms. He’s holding me so tight, I can barely breath and this feels so good! I want to tell him about the wasted tears, about the long lost love that’s still haunting my every dream.

It’s okay, I know, I know…you’re safe now…

No, I’m not, but I’ll pretend to believe his lies. After all, life itself can be such a bitter disillusion and we were never friends. I thought I’m saving him, I believed I’m doing it in the name of God and faith and love. He imagined me as his angel, a carrier of the light he’ll never touch. So, in his anger, he destroyed every bridge and every bond.

He made his own choices and created his own way through the darkness. He grew wings of fire while my heart turned into ashes. We’ll never be free of each other, the darkness in him will always follow light. The light in me will always face a deadly attraction for shadows…

But here, crying in his arms, with the world outside slowly fading away, my heart is free to need him. So I whisper his name like a mantra…

Christian…It’s alright, baby…I’m back now…

 

 

I found the image at https://upliftconnect.com/being-light/

The title is inspired by Aura Dione’s song “Friends” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yz8TAwJdxhQ

When love was nothing but a battle cry

3524484971_a524f481d3_bDo you like this fragrance of smoke in my hair?

I wrote you a thousand letters and, with each one of them, I loved you a little more. Sweet lines with bitter meanings and big words with senseless metaphors, yet, you forgave my lack of judgement in each and every promise I made. You tried to decipher the empty spaces, unaware that the key is buried deep inside me.

Do you like when my eyes are changing from green to fire-bright carnelian?

I wrote you a million poems and, when rhymes faded away, I used my tears to paint a proper ending to my endless questions. You were the hero and I was your muse, you saved the world and I was saving you, you got the glory, I got insecure. I failed again, this pain has no rhythm, it’s blank and white and cruel!

Do you like the warmth of my hands on your body?

I wrote you a love song, inspired by the way you’re undressing my shivering soul, leaving me naked and ashamed in the spotlight. You listened and asked for more of this passionate, self-destructive desire. You loved the harmony in my whispers and you wanted me to teach you how to play. Guitar, violin, piano, my heart…you played them beautifully. Then, bored and lonely, you deleted my song from your playlist.

Do you like my slow, sensual dances under the moonlight?

I wrote you a made-up story about the boy on the moon who saved the sad girl from falling. I sent you a page every day, so that you could add some more drama, some more mystery. Some more love…I saw you laughing, changing the lines, breaking and cutting the thin wire I was hanging on to. You asked for a realistic script.

My love, reality lies broken under my burnt feet and no one wins. Your love was nothing but a battle cry in this war of hearts, my hero. Don’t cry, my boy-from-the-moon, no one will break me anymore…

I wrote a thousand letters and I set them on fire.

This was supposed to heal me, but, instead, I fell in love with the ashes…

 

 

The title was inspired by Tom Neuwirth’s song “Heroes” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puRPBdZPfi8

I found the image at: http://www.flickriver.com/photos/nuvan_buet/3524484971/

 

 

Worthy of love!

17306216-icy-skulptur-engel-im-winter-gefrorenen-stadt

The sensation was a freezing cold kind of pain, it spread through my body, leaving my heart numb and my voice soundless. But the echoes of my conscience kept pushing me forward, one step at the time. In a place that, once upon a time, was called the bridge of fire

I knew he’s waiting for me, my yellowed eyes demon with his fire and his torches and his anger! I prayed I’d find him before it’s too late, but my abysses were filled with ice and where, a lifetime ago, were flames and smoke, now it was only a devastating white desperation.

The trembling shadow whit ghostly eyes seemed to wait for nothing but death itself. No sharp claws, no threatening grins, no blasphemous curses. Nothing to destroy me, nothing to feed the devouring fires of hell. Just a lonely boy with a frozen heart, desperately trying to put the pieces back together.

Here he is and there I am…So close, I can almost feel his pain and I know it’s real. I also know my gift and my mission. The voice inside me speaks loud and clear, words of love, words of faith. And my arms are ready to warm him up, back to life, back to love…

For one thing it’s certain and beyond any doubt…

“The day you stopped fighting was the day your heart froze. And I fell out of hell, just to pick up the pieces. It was a beautiful heart…”

He cried as he spoke his truths. I cried as I held his fragile soul. I cried as I fell in love with everything that was imperfect in him. As in myself.

“How does it feel…to see me so breakable…so human…The angel of dark. Your demon. The one you pushed, you broke, you set on fire and you fought with everything in you. Am I worthy of love, even if I was born of hate?”

He pleaded for my love, as if he ever needed to plead…

And I pleaded for my salvation, as I never pleaded before…

And the voice from above spoke loud and clear. Words of love, words of healing and acceptance. Questions that my conscience needs to answer in the most honest and truthful way.

How does it feel to see yourself as less than perfect?

Less than angelic, because your heart was touched by fire. Less than demonic, for the light you’re carrying is a divine one. 

Human, simply human. Loved, above anything else in this world. 

Treasured, even with your dark side, your rebellious fights and your insecurities.

Yes, worthy of love, even if, once upon a time, you called yourself a demon…

 

 

I found the image at: https://design.tutsplus.com/tutorials/create-an-angelic-sculpture-made-of-ice-in-photoshop–psd-7383

Even if you cannot hear my voice…

61102ea5552c5fd53bb21316b25b7319

There’s a blue light I adore, it reminds me of sweet winds and tender sunsets. It takes me back…to the place where the sky kisses the waves and the the mountain embraces the sea. There’s gentleness and love in the deep blue light…

There’s a moment I treasure, it keeps coming back like an old song. Like a precious gift, it’s part of me and it stays unchanged, untouched…Sometimes, in my magical, childlike thinking, I even believe I’m there. And there’s sweetness and joy in the gold, eternal moment…

There’s a touch that keeps my heart warm, no matter how long and dark is the night we’re crossing…It heals me every time I need it, it gives wings to my illusions, it creates nostalgia…There’s peace and hope in the touch I cherish so much and I live for it…

I wish you could remember too…we promised we will…

We’ll find each other where the sun kisses the waves. We’ll be in love there, where the mountain embraces the salty waters. The sand will be warm under my feet and your arms will be strong enough to hold my restless heart…

You wont let go…

I wont run away…

You’ll kiss the trace of my tears, unaware of the storms inside me. I’ll stop you from asking, because, deep in your heart, you already know…

And I’ll whisper sweet words, like lovers do. You’ll promise me that you’ll never forget.

But you did…

So, now, from worlds apart, my voice is calling you through time. How do I cross this border? How do I reach out? I’m still there, in the summer of ’97…I’m still here, whispering sweet nothings…

I still forgive you every time you forget…

 

I found the image at: https://ro.pinterest.com/pin/352336370819643247/?lp=true

The title is inspired by the song “Run” by Leona Lewis https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pelOvxFuJj8

 

 

There are mountains way too high…

download (3)

They were shouting from the top of the mountain: Heyyyy!!! What are you doing down there?! It’s not safe, come here, on higher ground!

My knees were shaking and my clothes were tore, my hands were bruised and my lips were burned! The storm had cast fire and dust, water and acid from the black sky. I was clinging to the only light I kept seeing, a white candle burning bright in this little old church…

They were sending love letters from the top of the mountain: We love you! God loves you! If only you could climb to meet us! If only you would join our joyful meeting!

My visions got blurry while the flood got closer, dangerous and dark. The white candle was sending a flickering light over my teary face. My only thought was to kneel, imploring Heaven above to give me strong wings and wise eyes. But my knees were bleeding and my naked soul was slowly drowning.

They were smiling at me from the top of the mountain: You are special, you are important! You are unique! You can start climbing right now, what’s stopping you? 

My little church was sinking, so was my heart. Stuck in the thick mud, blocked from salvation, I decided to just lay still and expect the unexpected. There was no prayer I could remember, there was no ritual meant to produce miracles. The white candle was floating away, with no chance for me to ever reach it.

They were encouraging me from the top of the mountain:  You have the power to change things, start changing, start loving yourself! No one will climb the mountain for you, just do it!

It’s okay, I whispered to them, knowing they cannot possibly hear me. It’s alright, I’m fine. I’m really well, I’m hanging on. I’m absolutely, perfectly happy.

They were singing and dancing at the top of the mountain. Hugging each other, thanking each other…Blessing each other! Oh, dear, it’s so rewarding to save another soul. It’s such a good feeling when you help someone climb the mountain. We really have a gift! Let’s praise this moment of pure glory and joy!

Down there, in a small, sinking church, trying to reach the white candle, I was giving in. Then, someone came, with open arms and eyes filled with love and light. He took my hand and set me free from mud, dust, fire and flood. He gave me the white candle and gently spoke words of wisdom.

“Your little church is sinking, so is the world. Will you climb the mountain with me?”

He took me in his arms and, with one touch, he healed my scratched knees and my bruised hands. My lips knew the water of life. And I was grateful, I was joyful, I was free!

But, Lord…oh, my Lord! What about them? Their mountain is sinking…

The shadow of sadness in His eyes was enough to awake in me all the tears I needed to cry…

“I know them and I love them. If only they would remember me in their hour of darkness…”

We will, my Lord, we will.

 

I found the image at: http://xtrasizesg.com/dark-vs-light-wallpaper.html