You left me defenseless

portrait-3216933_960_720I can make you forget…he whispered, drawing circles on my bare shoulders, only to fill them with butterfly kisses, only to fill my soul with this agonizing need for more.

…about pain…and his thumb found a secret place on the back of my neck, where perfect pressure combined with his hypnotizing voice turned my resistance into yearns for pleasure.

I can make you burn in flames of unspoken desires…his warm breath on the sensitive skin of my neck, turning shivers into waves, and waves into butterflies and sparkles all through my restlessness.

…or just turn your body into a playground for my shameless fantasies…his eyes grew dark while wicked fingers and hungry kisses pushed me deeper into surrender, further beyond the boundaries we were breaking.

And, mesmerized, I was about to plead…don’t waste another moment, don’t wait for second chances…don’t let me go this time…just make me yours!

but when my lips finally parted, I softly mumbled the forbidden words:

I love you

That’s how I lost him.



All credits for the photo to Stefan Keller from


Lavender fields

lavender-2426376_960_720Meet me where blue petals dance in swirling winds and air is filled with wonder and bewilderment. I’m waiting there, my love.

Dressed in flowers and white butterflies, my skin will mesmerize your senses, sweet scents embracing naked souls in their flight to the promised bliss.

You’ll ask me if I’m a fairy, but I’ll only smile, leaving all witchcraft behind, for you were mine since the beginning of the earth.

I’ll ask you if you’re my long lost warrior, the one who fought odds and hazardous labyrinths, beasts and villains, kingdoms and infernos.

You’ll stop me with a kiss, for talking is nonsense and logic is overrated. I’ll laugh.

My hair will taste like summer on your lips, long golden curls nesting on your bare chest, like seraphs roaming between worlds and universes.

My sweet, you’ll call me…my everything you’ll be…

I’ll whisper your name like a spell that kills all heartbreak, in melancholic songs you’ll praise the beauty of this endless yearning for warmth.

But then, out of the blue, I’ll cross the bridge to reality, leaving our love behind, while you sleep smiling in your dreams, in cradles made of tall grass and tender blue petals.

Don’t be so sad, it’s not unfair, nor cruel or devastating…

For we belong to the lavender fields

and we will meet again…

when blue is blooming in our foolish dreams.



All credits for the photo to the talented S. Hermann from



dream-catcher-4065288_960_720I see wild storms rising in your eyes. 

That’s what she told me with a smile, the lost little girl. She was wearing her favorite dress, with blooming flowers on a pink horizon. She smiled and light rolled over her blushed cheeks.

I think you’ll wander for a while, lost in the rain.

She played with the big white ribbons in her hair, until blonde curls flew freely in the summer’s wind. Then, as a last symbol of her resistance to monotony, she threw away her white shoes. She laughed to see them floating and disappearing in the highs.

You’ll see the light eventually, but you’ll be too frightened to admit it.

You always are.

Her palms drew circles in the thin air, leaving golden traces, coloring the unseen into a million sparkles. She turned to me with impossible bright eyes.

You’ll run away a thousand times. The storm will almost break you. I see you searching, foolishly choosing, settling with less than crumbles. Blind to real love, for you mistook it for addiction! I see you – You Fool! – and it makes me cry.

She stood there, silently crying rivers of blue diamonds, until the sky above us became one with this ocean of hopelessness and pain. That’s when I fell.

Down on my knees, I was begging the Heavens above for one more smile.

For one more glimpse into the Light.

You have to step into the darkness, to return home. Where love is everlasting and wishes do come true. Where you two, silly dreamers, will rise in love. 

“Who are you?” I asked her, while she spread her wings and melted away in rainbows of light.

“Who is he? Who is my silly dreamer?” I whispered into the wind, too weak to find faith, too lonely to care about my losses.

Look for green eyes and lighthearted smiles. For the poetry that rhymes like a love song and for the rhapsodist who’ll write with light into your soul. Search for the everlasting.

And morning dissolved my mesmerizing dream.


(to Frankie)


All credits for the photo to the talented Anke Sundermeier from










Confession (3)

woman-2375822_960_720I want to tell you about him.

I need this just as much as you need it…even if my confession will not (ab)solve you of this sin. Yes, you heard it right! I am the sinner, yours is the sin! Will you act like you’re shocked? I wonder…But maybe you already know.

About the taste of his lips…the perfect flavor of forbidden desires and sensual dreams, the right amount of mystery combined with pure wickedness. Was I supposed to stay in my innocently bitter world, when my body was aching and my heart was agonizing for his kiss?

About the sparks in his eyes…so dark, so deep…they starred in my soul until, desperate for more, I whispered his name like a sacred prayer and he did answer. He needed no words to ask for all…all of me…Was I supposed to lay still, in my perfect little universe, instead of falling?

About the passion…the kind of wild force that unites souls..He unfolded every layer of this restless soul, until it was raw, naked, exposed and vulnerable…and so full of beauty! Unrecognizable to myself, the girl in the mirror was smiling, shamelessly nude, unbelievably proud of the woman she turn out to be…

Was I supposed to lock this heart behind thick walls?

Was I supposed to die slowly, painfully…unaware of this electrifying sensation that keeps pulsing through my veins?

Was I supposed to be your good little trophy, laying in the dustiest corner of your interests?

I need to tell you about him, but maybe you already know. I’m cheating you in every dream, ever since you left me. I scream his name, but this ecstasy was born out of pain. Out of hate and anger. Will you despise me less if I confess…that he’s only a fantasy? Or will it be so much worse…?

Adultery is the name of this sin, so go ahead…are your stones big enough?



You can read more of my confessions here:


The picture is from the free photos website



You wont remember me…

62476938_2531679523529340_7617729226556309504_nI was aching for a touch, a special kind of touch, so I brought you here, where the sun kisses the waves, where the wind swears its love to the falling leafs…

Was it my dream? or was it yours? I cannot remember anymore…the moment when we laid on the sand, heart by heart, hand in hand…that moment sealed my lips, so no more words of pain could turn to life…

My trembling fingers tracing the tears on your face, kissing each one, tasting the salty water on your cheeks. Whispers from your dream…yes, I’m being silly again…these  aren’t tears, it’s only the sea and its bitter-sweet memories…

And then we’re dancing against the cruel time…it’ll take me away…it always does…

Not in your dream, not in your heart…where am I, my love?

Not in your memories.



Photo from my personal collection.



I’ll be holding you…endlessly…


Here I am, at the gates of your castle…

“I faced storms and demons, devils and snakes. Please let me in, my King…”

But the walls are just too high and you can’t hear me calling…

Still, here I stand…

“I learned skills and ways, abilities you never imagined…just to catch your eyes. Please look at me, my Love…”

But the light shines too bright and your eyes got tired…

And I’m still knocking on a closed door…

“I died inside and I became new, I broke down and I rose above the ashes. Please love me, my Everything…”

But hearts don’t rise up these days, they just survive a continue, endless fall…

So I died once again.


What touched you so deeply? What moved you so intimately? What was the key?

The smell of burning wings…you said.

The sound of reborn…you whispered.

A heart shaped tear, more precious than a mountain of diamonds…you smiled.

Still, the gates remained closed in the face of my prayers.

So I climbed the walls. And I broke the chains. I flew with the wind and I fought the monsters inside me. I ran to you, I awaken your weary eyes and I demanded what’s mine.

Your love.

Here I am, at the gates of your castle. Would you let me in? To hold you endlessly…in my heart.




His fingers rest -for what it seems to be an eternity- on her delicate neck. So pale, so tender and fragile, what a sweet temptation for his egocentric fantasies. To rule her world.

He smiles. The sweet sound of surrender when he takes her closer, so close that their shadows become one and she’s nothing but an extension of his strong body.

Leaning over, he kisses the pale, cold body of hers, and whispers something they only know. Is it a promise? Is it a request? Is it a plead with destiny? The kiss was shallow, but his eyes hold flames of passion and unspoken desires.

He takes her in his arms and she trembles under the hungrily touches. To discover, to create, to break boundaries and to find harmony into this chaotic sounds of love. This is his aim, this is what he does best. She’s helpless, but she never was a prey. Always his goddess.

Her whispers becomes screams and the screams become music. He feels redeemed by her undying need for more. His own need -to be the ruler of this fairy tale kingdom of hearts- is fulfilled in tears, in agony, in desperation, in ecstasy.

He’s tired but the shine in his eyes is undeniable. He kisses her neck once more before gently laying her pale body next to him. He reaches his hands to the sky in a silent prayer. A gesture of gratitude.

“Thank you, Father, for I am blessed with Your gift.”


And the crowd is calling his name, again and again. Their ovations are loud and honest, since they witnessed an act of love.

And my heart is broken.

He finds me and takes my hand. I’m cold and I’m trembling.

He looks deep into my eyes. He kisses my fingers.

A little girl gave him a red rose. He puts it in my hair. The crowd cheers his gesture louder and louder. Their voices are sincere, since they witnessed an act of talent.

“Say something, darling, this silence is becoming awkward.”

And I am mesmerized.

“Make love to me like you did with her…”

“What? Are you drunk? I was in concert all morning, in front of you! You insecure, crazy, jealous witch!”

He takes his violin and leaves me there, with his cheerful gallery of fans. They’re laughing, seeing my tears streamed face.

They are right. They witnessed an act of betrayal.


Deep inside your heart, you know I’m real

Here they are, hundreds pages, all written by hand. Three years of our lives…

-That’s…a bit obsessive! I mean, look at the characters, they’re so small…and every letter has at least seven pages. Pretty long for a love letter…

-They aren’t love letters…yes, he used to write the words…”I love you” in different shapes and colors. But look at the red parts…these are quotes from the Bible…And here, in blue, quotes from famous sermons…

-Back then…you were 18…

-Yes, in 1998 we didn’t had Facebook, cellphones, smartphones…Anyway, you wanted to know about our abrupt ending, right?

The music was loud, compensating the silence between us. The road was empty and he was driving so fast…to nowhere. A terrible thought…if I die in his car, no one will know…Suddenly, he stopped the car.

-Here…let me help you…

My hands were cold and I was trembling. We were somewhere, out of town, on an deserted beach, climbing over the cliffs. And the black waves rushing angrily to the shore.

-Isn’t it beautiful? If you knew how many times I imagined…you and me…here. In this secret place, away from the world…baby, you’re trembling! Let me give you my jacket…

-No…I’m fine…

I wasn’t fine. I was sad, I was so far away from home, running away…And I was scared. Terrified.

-You’re not fine…Please talk to me. Look at me, I’m the same person. Okay…I lied about my age. But I fell for you and I was afraid you’ll run from me if I tell you my real age…

-You’re 32…and you’re not a student…You told me you’re a student at Medical School. What is your real occupation?

He looked down.

-Does it really matter?

He took my hand and continued.

-I was…in a bad situation three years ago, when we started this correspondence. Feeling lonely, desperate…you were my only light. Baby…I was in jail, that’s the truth. I knew you’re so much younger than me, a teenager…I just wanted you to love me. Your innocence, your beauty…Please don’t cry…Why are you crying now?

-Because they told me…my parents. And I called them stupid and selfish. This was the last thing I told them, before going to the train station. And they were right…

-They really are selfish…They don’t understand our love, our faith…so they try to destroy it!

-What love? What faith? I was blind…I want back…back home…

I started to cry harder and pushed him away. A wrong step…the cliff was slippery and I was standing at the edge…I saw myself falling and my tears froze on my face. Then, suddenly, I was in his arms, unable to breath…

-Breath…slowly…now open your eyes and look at me…See? I’m not here to hurt you in any way…I’m here to offer you a shelter. And yes, I lied. But because of these lies I discovered the Bible. Your love was my way to God…In your heart, you must know…I am real. Can’t you love me the way I am?

I didn’t answered so he understood. He drove me back to the train station…

-You can take them, if you want…

-So that’s it? He never wrote you again?

-Never…and, at first I was relieved…But then…I was upset, you know?

-Of course you were! I would have been furious at him!

-No…upset at myself…Because I was too caught in my own fantasy…to really listen to him, to really open my heart. I accused him of a crime I always committed…

-You never…

-Yes, I did it too…but, in my case, I only lied to myself…